Category — Gettin’ Sexified

It’s the 20th, yet again, and that means time for my monthly progress report!

I don’t believe I ever posted any BEFORE pics, so I’ll start with a few shots that I found in a friends FB album from last fall. I was at my highest, in these:

Two of my friends come down every year for festivities and fun. Normally when they come to town, I’ll meet up for a meal or some shopping, but let them do their going out thing on their own. I’ve always felt uncomfortable in a club atmosphere, unless I was working (when I worked in radio, I would go on the broadcast remotes with the DJ’s and help out. That way I’d have an excuse for not dancing, or being asked to dance, or having anyone to hang out with) Last year, they said they were taking me out and wouldn’t take no for answer. PARTAY! I was nervous, because I have ‘Fat Friend’ Mentality, in which I am embarrassed for my friends to be seen with me.  They are thin and gorgeous and openly desired. In my mind, I am the girl that watches the purses. Green Eyes and I chatted yesterday about the pics and she said she remembered me saying, afterward, that I had a good time but felt like the Fat Friend. You’ll see on my Top 5′s list that one of my goals during this journey is to rid myself of this mentality. It has robbed me of so much time with my friends and so much self esteem.  And also caused me to think those knots were cute. *shudder*

So that was me last year, at my heaviest ever, at some points I was hitting 270. I always say I topped out at 269. That was the point where I had literally had ENOUGH…. however I wouldn’t get on the bandwagon until January and wouldn’t really start making any kind of effort until April.

My previous progress photos are HERE, but I’ll put the June ones in today’s post:

240.8

I want you guys to know that I have been ordered to do away with these jeans, post haste! GreenEyes is the fashion guru of my life and she’s pissed off that I’m even wearing them. “Those jeans are swallowing you! All I see is jean wrinkle and no leg, which means they are way too big. Get rid of them! And who told you those knots were cute?” Damn. She goes hard.

In my defense, I did search for jeans but didn’t find any that I wanted to actually wear out of the store. I went to Marshall’s on my lunch hour and I think Marshall’s is where Apple Bottoms and Baby Phat go to die.

The jeans I am wearing, I believe, are size 20′s Calvin Klein. They always were really long, but now they’re really loose. I had to keep pulling them up at the grocery store. The top I have had forever, I have no idea how big it is. Too big, though.

I feel like my shape stayed pretty static, which is good and bad. Good because at least I haven’t gained a bunch of inches and I’d rather stay steady than gain. Bad because I’d really like to continue the great fat loss I was getting when I was doing a lot of cardio.  For June, I am doing 30 Day Shred, and it is KILLAH. I kind of like the pain. For July, I am going back to something that is more cardio based. The Shred is great for strength, but 6 minutes of cardio is just not enough to burn fat. When I do it now, I try to combine it with  cardio barre or the Firm, to get some additional fat blasting in.

I’m finally seeing what I look like when I wear clothes that are too big. I look huge to me and not any different, even though I feel different and I know that I am smaller than I appear.  I have another set that I took in my workout clothes- clingy, skintight, showing every roll- but I’m not brave enough to post them. I really do look huge.  By July I hope to see some bigger changes, but I’m not at all disappointed. Just a little… I don’t know… magenta at seeing proof of how much work I really have to do.

As for weight, I don’t have a weight for April 18th but on April 20th I was 252, on May 18th, I weighed 246.  On June 18th I weighed 240.8. So, a consistent 6 lb loss per month. Not too shabby. I’d take 8 though! I was up slightly on Saturday, likely due to some sodium from the chef salad I had Friday night and I had 2 diet sodas.  Since I restarted, I’ve been drinking mostly water and the occasional coffee. I think I need to stick with that.

As of this morning I am 239.6! Unofficially 30lbs down! let’s hope it sticks for my weigh in on Tuesday! *crosses everything* I have slacked off of my exercise for two days, and I’m pretty sure Jillian is pissed off, sitting in my DVD player. She’s gonna make me work hard, huh? Hmph.

I’m off to work out and get some things done around the Bach Pad. Thank you thank you thank you for all your support, or for at least not throwing rotten fruit.

I’m hoping to report live from 230′sVille for July!  Aiming for 232, to be exact.

See ya all Tuesday for Healthy You Check in, what what!

[Edit: I did say I was going to show ya'll the cute dresses but I still don't have the proper foundation garments, so it will be a few days but never fear, when I wear them, you will know. Everyone will know. Strangers on the STREET will know!]

[Edit 2 to add some better pictures. I was just making an attempt to go through my closet (completely overwhelming) and on the top shelf were two pairs of jeans that I just tossed up there when I moved in a year ago. I haven't been able to wear them since about 2008. I pulled down one pair and pulled them on. Lo and BEHOLD, they fit! \0/ So, a few more (better pictures for todays progress report):

My thighs vex me. Anyhoo, there are some better pictures in jeans that are not at least one if not 2 sizes too big. ]

Happy Friday, blog people!

I have news! The most mundane first: I have procured one of those popular reflective surfaces, used for the purpose of viewing oneself. Known as a mirror. That’s right, no more dark yellow shots from the bathroom of my office building. Now you’ll get dark yellow shots from my apartment. UPGRADE!

The mirror is conveniently located 3 rooms away, where I will not inadvertently stumble upon it and accidentally see myself. That would NEVER do. I also don’t want to sit around just lookin’ at myself. I’m sure I’ll never be vain.

Next, since I have purchased a full length mirror, that will make my monthly update pictures on the 20th that much more awesome. Wee.

NEXT, Remember that I had a set of goals, and my reward for hitting said goals?

240 (29lbs down)- Used to be my ‘I can’t get any fatter than this’ weight. I am currently between 6 and 9 lbs over this. Once I reach 240, I will let myself buy a few new smaller things. I do have things I can shrink into, but I always like to have fresh, cute things for summer. I’m putting off shopping mostly because I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed when I get in the dressing room and I haven’t dropped as many sizes as I think I have, because I have stretched out my clothing or because the clothes I have are worn from age and use. I truly believe that clothing stretches, especially jeans. Just because my 22?s are loose doesn’t mean I wear a size 20. Or 18. So. 240 will bring a shopping trip and I hope I will see good results in the dressing room.

Well… I did a little shopping today! *jumps jumps* That’s right, I hit 240.8 this morning! Close enough for me! I am 1.8* lbs from celebrating a 30 lbs loss. I do believe I’ll be claiming that there badge on Tuesday (crosses fingers and prays to the Patron Saint of weight loss, and promises that I’m not being cocky, just hopeful, so please don’t dump 5lbs on me this weekend!)

*Never fear about rapid weight loss. My “visitor” finally arrived, and I also cleaned up my eating a lot last weekend. I believe this is all a result of getting back to good eating for me. My body is righting itself and I am feeling really good. I am sleeping a LOT, and I’ve never been so tired during a cycle. Last night I dozed off around 8 (I am usually up until midnight) and then woke at 11, and then fell back to sleep around 2am and slept till 6:30. That is a lot of sleep, even for me. But a few nights before, I didn’t get a wink. No idea what that was about, but I feel like rhythms are coming back in sync (*sniggle) and such. So. *shrug*

NEEEXXXTTT and so exciting– when I went shopping today, I bought two dresses. Cute little summer things. One is a 16. The other is an XL. Both of them went ON… One will look much better with better foundation garments. The other needs a few lbs (and a miracle) but I am going to use it as a goal dress. That’s the XL. Or I might take it back, I don’t know. I’ll model them both on Sunday as best I can, but won’t use them for progress pics because I’ll need to wear something slimming underneath and I think that would be cheating. Lol, I’m not really that thin, I’m wearing 2 pairs of spanx!

That’s my good, wonderful, exciting news for the day. It’s Friday, Jillian and I are spending an evening apart (I totally told her to bite me, the other night). I will be back on it with Level 2 tomorrow morning and then I HAVE TO go to the grocery store. I’ve been avoiding it for some reason, like there is a force field around Kroger. I have a list and everything. Bleh. I just hate doing it and carrying the bags in. I need a man, just for that.

And some other stuff.

I have thoughts swirling about other New Life Tuesday things that have nothing to do with weight. Maybe I’ll post ‘em up on Sunday. Till then,

Good afternoon, Good evening, and Good night!

Healthy You Check in for : June 15th!

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 245

Today’s numbah:

242.8!!!! OH MY GAWD!

Change since last week: -2.2 lb

Total Loss: 26.2 lbs!

The last month at a glance:

HOLY CRAP I HAVE PASSED THE 25LBS LOST MARK! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! I cannot tell ya’ll how excited I am about that! I feel like I have been fighting for that pound for a MONTH. I finally had to get strict with myself and clean up my eat a LOT, which I’ll talk about a bit below. But first?

A little dance! *dances*

Wow. Just wow. I was just hoping to see 244. *shrug* WOOOO! That means I am 2.8 lbs from my first milestone, which is 240. Go shawty! It’s my birfday!

Now that we’ve got THAT out of the way, I hinted on Sunday that I was putting together a list of goals, a set of Top 5′s. I did those, and they might get a trim or an update or a switch-out or two, but I made them. I’ll post them here and will put them in the sidebar so that they’re always in front of me. I now present my Top 5′s :

Top 5 Physical Changes – the changes I want to see in my body

5. I want to be free of knee and ankle pain
4. I want to wear a single digit size
3. I want to be able to wear boots- regular boots. Currently my calves are too big. I also want to be able to wear heels without pain.
2. I want to comfortably wear a bathing suit on my 100 lbs lost trip next May.
1. I want to weigh 169 or lower (100 lbs lost)

Top 5 Psychological/ Supastah list – changes I want to make in my mind, or maybe some more superficial desires

5. I want to be able to take a compliment without automatically offering a qualifer- oh, this is old, or I think this is stretched out or yeah it’s baggy but I always wore my clothes baggy. Just learn to say thank you. And believe the compliment.
4. I want to go dancing and not be embarassed at seeing myself move.
3. I want to go out with friends or alone and feel comfortable, confident, and sociable. I tend to hide on the perimeter and just listen and laugh.
2. I want to lose the ‘fat friend’ mentality. Forever.
1. I want to be kind to myself, always. Not vain or delusional (I won’t be referring to myself as a badass chick or a sexyDiva anytime soon), just kind.

So here’s why setting these goals in mind are coming into play, today and why they’re going to be uber important in the next year and most specifically in the next 3 months. Yesterday, I was looking at my calendar and realized that I have about 12 weeks until I am planning to be back home visiting my family. As I’ve mentioned before, my mom is a gastric bypass patient that maintained for a long time and then in the last few months started losing again. The last time I talked to her, she was hovering at around 125. Down from about 260, so she’s lost over 100 lbs now. I’m in no way competing with my mother– I also don’t want to look like a fatass next to her. KNOWHUTAHMEAN? I also have a number of friends that I haven’t seen in awhile. I want to look amazing, when I go. There’s NO chance that I will look extremely thin or anything but I was about this size when I saw everyone last year. I thought I looked pretty good— I want to look better. I want to feel amazing.

So I have 12 weeks to get something accomplished. Note that I am not really putting a number on this (though something around 220′s would be great, if anyone’s granting wishes). I don’t want to put a number on it because I will psyche myself out about it and the anxiety will keep me from achieving it. I’m just going for it and whatever I accomplish, I am going to be happy about it. We’ll see how I do when I get there.

The knowledge that I have a reasonable span of time to do something cool for myself gets me thinking and evaluating what I am doing. So far, I’ve been doing great, I think. A few ups and downs, but overall, I feel committed to being successful thanks to this blog, my readers and friends and the great support from the Healthy You Blog community. My highest ever weight was 269. This year started off at around 260. I kicked it up a notch in April at 258. I’m currently 245 and I’ve been bouncing between 245 and 249 for quite some time. A few weeks, at least.  I think my exercise game is pretty tight– I mean I could work harder, sure. And I will. But I work out nearly 7 days a week… I have missed 2 out of the last 40 days. Straight. So my issue can only be with my eating.

Now, I’ve received a lot of advice and some books and information, and trust that I am digging into all of that. What I’ve been looking at, in reviewing my logs from the last two months is that I’m a bit of a schizophrenic eater. Some days I eat lowfat, namely when I want to eat white flour/starchy carbs. Some days I eat lowcarb, getting in lean protein and vegetables. That doesn’t seem to be working for me. And it won’t in the long run, because when I look at my chart, I see a lot of bouncing in the last few weeks. Some of that can be attributed to changing my exercise regimen– some of it can be attributed to not being able to decide if I’m a lowcarber or a lowfatter. I know my body chemistry. I know what works for me. I must must must commit to a controlled carbohydrate lifestyle and I MUST be strict about it. If I am a lowcarber, bread is not a part of my plan (unless it is whole grain). If I am a lowcarber, potatoes and cereal and milk are also not a part of my plan. Those foods don’t work well with my body- I get sleepy and/or belly achey. They are not foods I should be eating with any sense of regularity, and lately, they’ve been staples.

This isn’t to say that I’ll NEVER EAT BREAD AGAIN, OMFG !!!111!!thirtyeleven! It means that my regular, normal eating and way of life does not include those foods. When I eat off plan, it takes me a day or two to work that off. Those are days wasted, to me. I cannot stand a one step up and two steps back effort. Just keep moving forward. And stop trying- DO IT.

So I’m DOING IT. I went grocery shopping and I got foods I can eat, because my wallet is also going on a diet. I eat out almost every meal. I know, bad. So I got some food to tide me till payday (today) and now I get to stock my house and COOK and have food on hand that I can eat. I am tightening up my eating. I am doing The Shred through June, plus a few days a week I am tossing in The Firm or Cardio Barre. I am cutting off eating at 8pm, I am not staying up all night dinking around doing nothing on the internet. I am getting good sleep so that I can be refreshed and energized for the following day. No excuses. Setting those goals, keeping them in front of me and DOING IT.

What are YOUUUUUUUUUUU doing?

Okay. I have to talk about yesterday, because WHAT A DAY! WOO!

The word yesterday sounds weird when you say it a few times. Ya know? So….

I woke up stupid early, because I got an email on my phone (it was charging, next to my head) and it happened to wake me up. It’s hard for me to go back to sleep once I wake up, so I grabbed the laptop (always near me) and started checking email etc that rolls in at night. This invariably leads me to Facebook or Twitter. I logged on to Facebook where someone had linked the latest episode of Losing It w/ Jillian Michaels.

I haven’t ever been a big Jillian fan– I’ve seen about 4 episodes of Biggest Loser. That was it, before I decided it was not a show I wanted to get into. Jillian seems very ‘screamy’ which isn’t motivating to me, at all. I’d quit under that kind of pressure. So when word came that she got a new show, I’d already decided I had no interest in watching it. What made me watch this epi with the Mastropietro Family, I don’t know, but WOW. This show goes SO FAR in making Jillian seem less machine and more human. This family is so warm and loving, so close and yet so far away from each other. She spends 5 days with them, helping to uncover old hurts and pains, fears and insecurities, and brings them together as a family, so much closer. The best part is that they follow up with the families in six weeks, so you’re not left hanging. I really really liked it and will probably do the Season Pass on the TiVo and catch a few more episodes.

I will not lie. There was a tear or two shed. Or hundred. A few really great quotes resonated with me:

Mom is on the bike, can’t get it going. Jillian is telling her to get it moving, she says she can’t. Jillian tells her to get it moving, she says she’s trying. Jillian says, ‘Stop trying and do it!’ Self explanatory, I think. No more ‘trying’ to lose this weight. Shut up about what I’m going to do, planning to do, want to do. Just do it.

Jillian is talking to dad, who is in danger of a heart attack, stroke and heart disease. He is seriously unhealthy. In the kitchen, watching chicken cutlets (breaded fried buttery chicken fingers) being prepared, Jillian gets the lowdown on how things work. Dad eats from sun up to sun down, until he’s satisfied. Mom says, “Or we go to bed.” Jillian says, “You never stop eating because you’re never satisfied. You eat until you’re unconcious.” I cannot count how many times I would sit down with the Super size everything meal with two apple pies, shove it all down, and then pass out. Over and over and over.

Jillian is talking to daughter, who despite having RNY Gastric Bypass surgery, still feels like a fat girl. She still has a fat girl mentality and spends a lot of time putting herself down. She’s getting married in six weeks- everyone needs to shape up for the wedding. Jillian asks her why she is opening herself up to failure. Daughter says, “I’m trying to avoid the compliments because I don’t believe them.”  Whoa. This one hit me square in the middle of the head. I cannot stand compliments. Really. Because I don’t believe them. I always think people are just trying to make me feel better, or patronizing me, or practicing reverse psychology– if they say I look like I’ve lost weight, maybe I’ll feel good about myself and actually lose weight. The thought of which pisses me off, and so I never believe it because I’m no dummy! I’m onto you people, you liars!

Oy. That one really stung.

So of course after watching the episode, I am totally jazzed up and ready for some MOAR Jillian. I started 30 Day Shred, Level 2. One word: HARD. Another word: FUN. The moves are so much more fun and faster and more animated than L1. There is a lot of floorwork, though. Which I do not like. I hate getting on the floor! Lots less jumping (my knees thank you, Jillian) and more static poses and arm work.

I then took advantage of my momentum and got dressed and went grocery shopping. I had NO food here. NONE. BAD ME. Was back by about 9:30 or so. Put some chicken on for lunch and had some yogurt and watched HGTV, as is my Saturday routine. After a nap, I got up to get ready to go to a goodbye party for some friends of mine that are moving back near their family. I pulled out a dress that I haven’t worn in three years and even then it was a bit tight. It’s a 16/18. Normally I wear a 20/22. When I picked it up, it looked awfully small and I wasn’t sure if it was going to go on… BUT IT DID!

OH EM EFF GEE! I was so excited I about peed my pants! And then I texted GreenEyes, who checked to make sure that ‘I just put on a 16/18 dress’ was a good thing before she responded, ‘wooot, send me pictures!’ So I took a couple… let’s talk about how I need a full length mirror very badly.

I was quite happy and really proud. And since it was hot as all frikken HELL yesterday in the A, it was PERFECT.

So between my nap and jumping up and down and peeing my pants (almost), I was watching some Youtube vids because my friend Spydersong did another weekly update, 7 weeks post her Gastric Sleeve surgery. I bounced around to a few videos and somehow always end up at DivaTaunia’s page. I love love love her personality, and her videos are always so fun to watch. She posted one way back when that I hadn’t seen, about her Top 5– your top 5 weight loss goals. She had 2 Top 5 lists, one for physical and one for personal, psychological. It got me thinking about my plans and goals for weight loss. What am I working toward? Why? What’s the underlying reason? And why don’t I have my goals in front of me?

So I am gonna make some, and make sure they are over in my side bar. So what if I have a ton of junk over there already– this blog is for me, right? Right. Ima need my goals up there.

On Tuesday, I’ll be posting my Top 5′s and also be talking about my thoughts on tightening the food reigns.

…for binge eating, today would be it.

It’s a cycle, isn’t it? You binge and then you backtrack and you counsel and you figure out the WHY behind the WHAT and you pledge to do better. And you do. You work hard at doing better and for a long, long time, you’re fine. You even sometimes forget to eat. Silly You.

But sometimes it’s like… a festering pool. It builds. It mounts on itself and grows and grows under the surface, but its unnoticeable. You don’t feel it, you don’t see it, you don’t know it’s coming until it’s there.

One day you wake up and you feel slightly ‘off’. Just barely. Maybe it’s lack of sleep, maybe it’s stress, maybe it’s just that it’s been so long since the last time.

Maybe it’s a few things, maybe it’s everything all at once– matter of fact, it’s most often everything all at once. The thoughts roll in. The need to control them and quell them and feed them and make them feel better roll in, too.

I am having a blah day. I have these on Fridays for some reason, lately. Maybe it’s the long week of exercise or whatever, but the last few Fridays, I just cannot wait to go home and get in the bed. Today was such a day. I got up and got dressed, and maybe I was a little disappointed because I felt like I looked smaller yesterday. No one commented. I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the full lengthy mirror and while I didn’t love what I saw, I didn’t hate it, either. Though I seemed to be bigger in that mirror than I was at home! Must be the lighting.

Anyway.

I spent my entire drive to work thinking about where I could get something to eat. My brain wanted to feed my melancholy. My tummy, on the other hand, wasn’t really into it. I could have eaten, but I wasn’t ravenous. The last few months of good eating have done a lot to rid me of cravings for things (the last few weeks, those damned lava cakes have popped up but since I have a short span of attention, I promptly forgot about them again) that I used to really dig into. I will admit to having some sugary snacks in the last couple of weeks, though. Not anywhere near a binge of course, but definitely off- plan, unless the plan was sponsored by Hostess. I didn’t hide them, I just didn’t highlight them. I counted them in my daily log of ‘stuff I ate’  but I know that even though I came under my calorie threshold, it’s not how MUCH  I eat so much as WHAT I eat. Anyway, as I was saying… my mind was in the mood for some junk. Some cereal or maybe a stop at Dunkin donuts, or McDonald’s, or maybe pop in to the gas station grocery store and grab a breakfast sandwich.

I kept driving. I turned into the little shopping area that houses Moe’s Southwest Grill and Boneheads and Doc Greens. And Smoothie King, where I could at least get something yogurty and lower sugar.

And Dunkin Donuts.

I sat there between Dunkin Donuts and Smoothie King and contemplated what I would be having.My mind tried to talk me into a hot, buttery croissant sandwich with sausage and egg and cheese.  Then I thought about why I felt the need to have something fried and fatty. And how much I’d probably lament and moan about what I ate, even though I’d count it in the log for the day, like a good girl. And then a fresh wave of ‘meh’ washed over me and everything irritated me, even the random Atlanta morning radio.

I sat and watched people walk in and out. And then I got out of the car and went inside.

My smoothie was really good.

Salt and Pepa’s heah!

Uh. So, if you were anywhere in the vicinity of me, yesterday, you were trying to stop me from banging my head against the wall, totally upset at how I flubbed up and effed myself over. Let us discuss.

[Read more →]

Healthy You Check in for June 8th!

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 245

Today’s numbah:

245

Change since last week: 0

Total Loss:  24

The past month (click to view full size):

Forgive me blog, for I have sinned. It has been ONE day since I Shredded. LOL.

So last night I was so absolutely freaking tired. I didn’t sleep more than a few hours on Sunday night and worked a full day on Monday. I had zero energy, was cranky, and the very last thing I wanted to do was work out.  Normally I’d tell myself to suck it up and deal, but in reviewing the last 37 days in a row of exercise, I think I’ve earned myself a day or two off. So I took it. And it felt good.

I was getting a little worried that I might be becoming addicted to working out–  not really in the sick sense, but in the sense that I worry that I won’t keep going if I give my body the break it needs. I needed to be able to rest a day and pick it back up the next day. By this point, exercise is kind of rote– I come home, I change, I pop in the VHS or the DVD, I eat dinner, I relax for the night.  On the weekends, I work out before I shower and dress for the day. This is my schedule, now. It has felt weird to do anything else, so my guess is that tonight when I get home, I’ll fall into the same routine that I’ve established over the last month or so.  I never meant to create a streak of exercise days in a row… that wasn’t ever my intention. I was doing a month of walking, and then switching to something else. Something else turned into a 30 day program.

I’ll likely make up the day I missed somewhere toward the end, or on a day when I just have way too much energy, I will do two levels or something. Or it’ll spill onto July 1st. Whatevs.

I’m cool with the no change in weight, too! Saturday morning I was up to 249, so I’ll take 245, no problem. I monitor my weight daily, because I like to know what’s going on and make corrections if I seem to be going in the wrong direction. The scale has been up since I started Shredding, what with adding the weights and the higher impact exercise. If I saw 250, I was going to hurt someone, so I’m glad the tip of the gain stopped at 249, and now we’re back down to normal. If I hadn’t have tracked my gains and losses every day, I’d have had no idea I was up that high and I wouldn’t have taken precautions to correct it.  I’m glad I did that.

So. I am still sitting at -24lbs. Can I please get under 245 sometime this year? Damn.

Got to get ready for work and get my day underweigh. Didja see what I did there? HA! Looking forward to seeing how my other HealthyYou’ers are doing today!

I’d warn the boys to look away but I am going to talk about boobs and… well… *shrug*

So. I have a confession.

A secret, if you will.

Ready? Lean in close. Closer.

I…*looks around*… stuff my bra. *sits back*

I do. I mean, not for fullness or anything because *looks at self* voluptuous ain’t just a word, it’s a way of life, at Chez Curvy! But really… no one talks about this on weight loss blogs, ever so I never brought it up, but I have… sensitivity. Yeah, we’ll call it that.

Okay, my boobs hurt. And I don’t mean just from walking or bouncing or what not because there’s that but it took me forever to find out that the tenderness and shooting pain was coming from the nipple. I don’t know what causes it but OMGithurts. It wasn’t until I saw a tip from The Impatient Dieter, about putting those sponge makeup pads into your bra, that someone actually talked about it. I thought it was just me!

Damn you, internet! You’re supposed to make me feel like I’m not alone! I was feeling alone! Does no one else have this problem?

So, on occaision, when my workout is very strenuous and I am sweating a LOT, I will experience a lot of pain in my left breast. This had happened before, like when I took a belly dance class, I had to stop because both were hurting so badly. That was last fall! And every once in awhile since then, I will experience some pain that I just push through. I figured it was because I need better bras (which I probably do still but anyway).  The other night toward the end of my Shred workout, the pain started up and by now it’s just frigging annoying. The next day I decided to try a little trick.

I took some tissue and folded it up and stuffed it into my bra over the nipple. On both sides. And worked out.

>insert Hallelujah chorus<

It worked! No pain! No sensitivity! No stopping, clutching my breast and almost screaming! It worked.

So now you know my secret. I stuff my bra.

What’s your fitness secret?

I got brave today, since my friend SkinnyEmmie has been vlogging about her “Get Emmie Skinny“ program (which is FANTASTIC  by the way, and if you haven’t visited Emmie’s blog, I encourage you to!) so I decided to just do this while I felt like it.

Third times the charm, or that’s what I hear. I chat a little about The Shred Day 3 whoa, hush yo’ mouf! Day FIVE! and some eating issues that I hadn’t dealt with in a long time. I guess I still have some head problems to work through.
Darn. Just when I thought I was perfect. *snickersnort*

Here’s a video. It’s really weird watching myself on video. I sound like that? I look like that? How embarrassing, kinda.

Thursday, June 3rd. Incoming text message:

Friend: Did you shred?

Me: (way overexcited) YEP! And I did The FIRM. I’m crazy.

Friend: You need a new hobby.

So, yeah. I’m kind of crazy? The last two days I’ve been craving a simple, low impact aerobics workout. I dug out my worn VHS (yep, it’s so old it came out on VHS and never on DVD) of The Firm Basics: Fat Burning Workout:

The Firm Basics: Fat Burning Workout

It’s about 25 minutes… a nice warm up and then about 20 minutes of 4 limb movement, very simple moves, but effective in getting the heart rate up and the sweat pouring. And then I put in my Shred DVD and get in my zone. I’m at the point where I don’t even watch it, I just listen to the music and do the reps. If I listen to her talk, for some reason, it makes the segment seem longer.

I am still on Level 1. I was able to do a few jumping moves but not many. More than I could the first time. At day 10, I want to switch to Level 2, so I need to get to where Level 1 is not a huge challenge for me. I’m no longer sore and falling over after my work out. I hope this means that my muscles have stopped rebelling and have stopped retaining water, because ye godz!

I intended to blog last night but I passed clean OUT. And then today was actually a really busy day, despite the fact that no one was in the office and no thanks to Boss (who is on vaca) emailing twice a day to ask ‘what’s going on?’ Dude. Everything. Busy. Bye.

I’ve just had dinner, and I’m very proud that even though I said I didn’t want hushpuppies when I got my meal, they gave them to me anyway and I didn’t eat them. I’m not proud that I was full and I didn’t stop eating… but did you guys know that cabbage is delicious?

I’m almost sure that my Tuesday weigh in will either be no change or a few lbs up. I’m just preparing myself for that right now. I mean, I’ll take a huge loss, but I’m almost sure it’s not coming. And that’s… okay.

I also took some pics. I’ll post them when I take my end of the month pics for comparison. But uhm… ew.

I still didn’t measure. I suck. I’ll try to stop in and get a tape measure somewhere.

I SO did not want to work out last night. I had every intention of going home and gingerly settling down onto my very sore rear end and just sitting there until it was dark, and then sort of tipping myself over so I could lay down and fall asleep.

Remind me to never make mention that I plan to skip a work out. Peer pressure is a biatch! My friends DEMANDED and cajoled and coerced me into going home, changing clothes, and firing up the DVD player. Jillian and I spent about 20 minutes of close, personal time together.

Day 2 was not too shabby! Whereas on Day 1, she said start with jumping jacks and I laughed and tried it and my feet didn’t leave the ground, on Day 2, I actually got some in! I also was able to do the jump rope and the butt kicks (modified and pretty low impact) but I did them! I was really proud of myself.

The work out is made up of circuits, a 3-2-1 design: 3 minutes of strength training, 2 minutes of cardio, 1 minute of abs= 1 circuit. Each level has 3 circuits. The first circuit, to me is the hardest. I feel like the hardest moves are in that one. I love the punching  and I LOVE the arm rows and such in circuits 2 and 3. I dislike lunges intensely, but I even did those!

Afterward, I was sweaty and hot and tired and SO SORE. And then an hour later I was EVEN MORE SORE. And in the middle of the night I got up to use the bathroom and OOF.  I almost fell, my thighs hurt so bad. Really, I had a hard time even sitting down. You know… on the toilet.

Understandably, I am up a few lbs because I am now using weights and working muscles that I didn’t use while walking. My muscles are retaining water and I expect to be up for a few days. I probably will not do anything strenuous on Monday because Tuesday is my weigh in. Until then, I am working hard!

I had planned to keep walking but seriously… this is still kicking my butt in the way that new things kick butts until you get used to them. I might toss in a 1 or 2 mile walk next week to warm up before I Shred.

Uh, we’ll see.

Today I have a burning urge to do the Firm so I might pull that one out.

Can anyone explain where this new found desire to exercise came from? It’s scaring me.

And people in my office no longer come running when I stand up and go ‘OW!’  They’re already tired of my whining.

…which is a far sight better than I was doing last night. I could barely type, my arms were so weak!

So. The Shred.  >insert Jaws theme here<

You know… I spent so much time worrying about the jumping and hopping etc that I didn’t even really think about the weight training portion. And also the portion where you pretty much SQUAT the entire time. I thought that after 31 days of walking, I’d be ready to kick it up a notch, Emiril style- BAM!

I may have been ready to kick it up a notch but I don’t think I was quite ready for TV’s toughest trainer, Jillian Michaels and her 30 Day Shred.

Let me be clear: A LOT of people had me scared to DEATH about this video. I was considering not even opening it, even after I watched Level 1 and decided it wouldn’t be ‘that bad‘. Was it hard? Yep. Did it kick my ass? YES, GAWD. Am I feeling it today? *nods, because I can’t wave, and also because I can’t stand*

Was it impossible, horrid, un-doable, terribly horribly, make me cry and curse bad? Nah. I mean, I just did level 1… some people stay at level 1 for a good, long time, just increasing intensity until it just becomes too easy, or they need to work harder. I’ve done tons of workout vids before (my fave being The Firm Fat Burning Workout) so I was familiar with the steps. I’m not one to get down on the floor for anything because I can’t get back up, so I lamesauced a LOT of it (did pushups off the wall, halftimed the jumping jacks and such) and  I still hurt. I can’t even imagine if I put everything I had into it… maybe I wouldn’t be able to breathe!

I will say… it wasn’t ‘fun’. At least not until about the last circuit, and then I was kind of having a good time. To me, Jillian isn’t all that personable and I’d like to see her doing more of the exercises with us. But in all, it definitely works. What’s getting me right now is my arms, shoulders, obliques, shoulder blades, thighs, and down the sides of my back. I am definitely feeling it. And that’s okay– preferable, actually.

All I want to do is move my ass.

All I want, when I am done is to feel like I’ve moved my ass.

All I want, the next day, is to feel like I moved my ass the day before. I think the Shred is gonna do that for me, so yay.

That said… after 32 days straight of exercise, I think I may actually skip a workout. I think it’ll make me feel weird to actually not do it. V and I were chatting about doing it every other day. I’m not really sure I’l keep up with it if I don’t do it everyday, but we’ll see how that works out.

And if I can stand up tomorrow.

Healthy You Check in for June 1st! WHAT WHAT!!!

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 247

Today’s numbah:

245!

Loss since last week: 2lb

Total Loss: 24 lbs!

The past month (click to view full size):

All I can say is WOOT! \o/ Great month… I lost about 5lbs in May, lots of inches though I didn’t measure. I still need to find a tape measure. Maybe I’ll pop into Target on my lunch break today and grab one, so I can track my inch loss in June. I did Walk It Out, walking every single day in May.

Today starts a new month, so new goals and renewed vigor and a new project! I am doing the 30 Day Shred w/ Jillian Michaels. I am not planning on going balls to the wall with it. I just want to complete a workout and move my tooshie! Wish me luck!

I’ve got to get ready for work… my 3 mile walk yesterday is making me hurrrtttt…

[yelling like Oprah] Hello Blog Peopuuuuhhhhlllll! Walk It Out is OVEEEEERRRRRRRR!

It is DONE I did it! 31 days in a row! So much awesome! Let me tell you all about it, because I know you’re way interested. *smirk*

First of all, I did record a little video but I look TERRIBLE in it, so I decided not to post it. I never realized that I talk out of the side of my mouth, and I hate that. Ugh. So anyway, I went down to Chastain Park in Sandy Springs for my final walk. It’s 3 mile loop around a golf course, a park and a softball field. No big, right?

OhmyGAH!

I hadn’t done this loop in years, and I guess I forgot about the hills because OHMYGAH! I was kind of pissed off, actually. And tired. But stuck, because I had to get to my car! So I just kept walking. It took me about 45 minutes or so… as I’m walking, I’m thinking, ‘how the HELL do people walk for 3 Days for the Cure? Because I’ve been walking for 30 minutes and I am ready to punch someone’s lights out!’ Alas, I did not punch anyone. I walked and I trudged up hills and down hills and around the course and past people walking their dogs– that park smells like dog crap. By the time I got to my car, I just wanted to throw up.

I want to say never again, but who knows, I may get a wild hair up my butt and do it again. Someday. But not soon.

In all, I think I lost about 5 lbs. I don’t know how many inches. But I gained the knowledge that I could set my mind to something and do it. So often, I start to do something and fizzle out. I’m really proud that I didn’t fizzle out of this, because the walking part seems easy, but 31 days in a row isn’t.  Rain or shine, tired or energetic, hungry, thirsty, hurting, or feeling full, well and just fine, I was walking.

I will still likely walk 5-6 days a week, only by choice, now. I’m also starting the 30 Day Shred tomorrow. Perfect since June has 30 days in. Neat, huh? Oy. Pray for me, man.

Happy Saturday of a 3 Day Weekend!  Yeahhhhhh!

I’m chillin’ like a villain around this piece! I need to get up and clean a bit, go get some food. And walk. I think it’s going to be a scorcher so I might do Leslie Sansone’s 2 mile walk and then the 1 mile for a total of 3 miles. I’ll do that today and tomorrow and for my last Walk It Out (OHMYGODLASTWALK) I MIGHT drive down to Chastain Park and walk around. It’s 3 miles around, I think? And I haven’t done it in a few years. It’ll be nice to go somewhere for the last official walk.

As for past Walk It Out? Well. I am being kind of indecisive and that’s driving me crazy, because June 1 is like… TUESDAY. I hate to jump right from one thing to another without a break, but I don’t want to lose momentum. I need something that is a set period of time so I can count it down. I am considering the 30 Day Shred…. I don’t know that I want to work out everyday, though. I will still walk 5 to 6 days a week likely, but I am looking forward to not HAVING to walk every day. Taking at least ONE day off would be preferable. I do want to add to what I’m doing though, bump up the intensity. Shred would probably do it. Either that or The Firm.

Or both.

I’ve been watching a lot of videos, lately. YouTube videos of people doing weight loss Vlogs, and such. I only did one video for WIO. I intended to do them weekly but I was too worried about how I looked and sounded and I didn’t have appropriate equipment so that it turned out well and… meh. Maybe for June I will give it another shot. Anyway. I was going somewhere… I was saying that a lot of people were talking about their goals and rewards and surpassing them and such. Which makes me think about my goals and where I want to be at certain times.

Not that I want to put a time clock on anything, but the plan I am on is aimed to have me at my 100lb weight loss goal in about a year. Maybe more, which is fine, but I need something to shoot for. I need a challenge and a mark to hit and if I miss it, fine but at least I was going for something. There’s a saying that it’s better to aim high and miss than aim low and hit. I like to aim high and see how far I can get. So. That said, I have a couple of milestones I want to hit:

240 (29lbs down)- Used to be my ‘I can’t get any fatter than this’ weight. I am currently between 6 and 9 lbs over this.  Once I reach 240, I will let myself buy a few new smaller things. I need pants and some bras. I do have things I can shrink into, but I always like to have fresh, cute things for summer. I’m putting off shopping mostly because I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed when I get in the dressing room and I haven’t dropped as many sizes as I think I have, because I have stretched out my clothing or because the clothes I have are worn from age and use. I truly believe that clothing stretches, especially jeans. Just because my 22′s are loose doesn’t mean I wear a size 20. Or 18. So. 240 will bring a shopping trip and I hope I will see good results in the dressing room.

220 (49 lbs down)- This is what I weighed when I moved to Atlanta. And then I started eating all the good food here and.. well… the food here is goooood. Woo. Not to mention I lived with my aunt for about 6 weeks and that woman can cook, dammit. I’m sure that I gained about 10lbs immediately and just kept going up. I also got just under 220 in 2008, so I know it’s possible for me to get down there. I definitely want to see that number again, and the numbers below it. I felt positively thin then. And then on to the next one. Somewhere between 240 and 220 I’d like to get a Wii so I can get Wiifit. Maybe if I see 230 during June I will get it so I can have something for July.

199 (70lbs down)- Obviously, this will put me under 200. Onederland is pretty much a dieter’s dream, if they’re of a certain weight. Once I hit here, I think I will get that big damn TV I’ve been lusting after but haven’t bought.

180 (89 lbs down)-  A long, LONG time ago, I hit about 188 and oh my damn. I looked really good. I think I was at about a size 12, so… half the size I am now pretty much. Just… I mean… I basically can’t wait to get there. I don’t have a reward for this level yet.

169 (100lbs down)- will bring me to 100 lbs lost.

150 (119lbs down)- Pretty much my goal… but we’ll see what I look like about every 10 lbs until I get down to where I I feel comfortable. I have decided that I want to end up in a single digit size. Whatever size that ends up to be, I just want it to be a single digit. I am pretty curvy, so I don’t think I’ll ever be a waif. We’ll see what I look like when I hit an 8. I saw my mom at a size 8 and I couldn’t believe how great she looked. I have NO idea what size she is now, since after 8 years at the same weight, she started dropping again for no reason at all. She is now between 120 and 130. I’m kind of jealous.

Whether I get below 150 will be totally up to my body, I guess. I’ll welcome it, though. I remember thinking I was fat at 150 when I was a teenager. Now it’s my goal.

My reward for my final goal (or as close as I can get  to 100 lbs lost by May 2011) will be a trip. Complete with shopping for cute outfits and such. YESSSS.

I’m already planning it. I cannot fail.