Category — Gettin’ Sexified

You know that saying that says something like, it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon? Yeah, I am really feeling that lately. For some reason I look at my weight loss efforts like it should be a sprint. You start and you go, go, go until you’re at the finish line. And then you’re done.

It kind of doesn’t work like that, though.

It’s more like a series of 5K’s, in between which you have breaks of literally sitting on your behind. That’s where I am. Breaking.

In the past, breaking would have involved eating a ton of crap, gaining back everything I’ve lost, deciding I’m “Happy” being fat and lonely and single and not cute and going on with life and making everyone around me miserable with how obviously miserable I am. This time, I can sense things are different– and not that I’ve never been here before, but it’s still different.

I don’t know what’s up, but I just have zero motivation for working out, anymore. Maybe I’m just burnt out, maybe I’m just lazy. I don’t know. My whole attitude during May and June was that I was going to take advantage of the motivation and energy while it was there, because I know me and this (exercising like a mad woman) isn’t me. Sure enough, about a week into July I hit a freaking brick wall and slid down to the dry earth and that’s where I’ve been laying. Resting.

That’s what I am telling myself. When you’ve run a long time and your sides hurt and you’re cramping and can’t breath and you just need a break, you take one. My break is turning out to be longer than I thought it would be, but I guess it’s where I am and I am loathe to make myself do anything.

My only saving grace and the reason I’ve not ballooned back up to 260 is that my eating has, for the most part, been fine. I’ve had very few off plan days– actually no off plan days. A full off-plan day turns into several. I have an off-plan meal or two– in the last month I count two, which isn’t too bad (for me) at all. It has definitely kept me under 240 (and the horrid 250 number) during this time in which I don’t feel like moving my butt.

Yesterday was the 20th, and I normally do pictures and recap the month. I don’t feel like it. So I guess I will do it at the end of the month. I just don’t feel like looking at myself and trying to find the one inch I lost or the one lb I lost since June 20th. The effort is not worth my time and I don’t want any cheerleading over my halfassedness.

I think what I need to do is go back to my initial motivation of ‘don’t talk about it, be about it.’ I’m always talking about what I’m going to do and not doing it. So, when I am back on my feet, I will just do it. And when I am fully doing it again, I’ll let you guys know.

Thanks for the support!

Healthy You Check in for : July 13, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 237.8

Today’s numbah:

237.8

Change since last week:  none

Shorty short post today. No change, which is fine. I’ve been rather slack in my working out and I am back to probably not eating enough and eating out too much and not drinking enough water and I am tired. Too tired to dissect and redirect. I am still waiting on MamaNature to bring her  behind on, here. Once that is over I predict a rapid return to my energetic self.

Till the next time!

It feels like it should be Saturday by now. Right? Oy what a long week.

So, I didn’t work out yesterday. And I don’t feel bad about it. I spent my evening freaking out because I broke something on the internet, then getting it fixed and spending the evening in a fetal position and de-stressing. Everything’s good today.

Tonight I HAD to work out (I’m getting bitchy, which happens when I don’t work out), and it’s approximately 812 degrees outside. Celsius. So I had to work out inside because the other day when it was 98 out, I took a walk. In long pants and long sleeved shirt. I was literally ON FIRE. I know, I’m dumb. Anyway, tonight I did The Firm Fat Burning– the whole 45 minute workout, not just the 25 min cardio part. Good work out, and I did a lot of the dips and lunges, etc at the barre. I can’t find the remote to my DVD player so I can’t advance the Cardio Barre DVD to the chapter that I need, so I play it on my laptop and I’m tired of dragging it around. The Firm is a VHS tape and it was ready to go.

The workout went well… had the fan going so I didn’t get as hot as I would have. I can’t wait until I can do dips and lunges well. My knees just freaking hate them.

I may have misread my GirlyTime tracker. It appears that next week I am ovulating, not expecting a visit. Well, damn. I guess I’m just a moody bitch. *shrug*  Anyone wanna make a baby?

Didn’t think so. I’m off to get some things done. Have a wonderful evening!

Healthy You Check in for : July 6, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 236.8

Today’s numbah:

237.8

Change since last week:  +1lb

Total Loss: 31.2 lbs!

Check out my chart and my stats at a glance on my Progress page

*grumble*

Boo.

Well, I knew it was coming. And it’s only 1lb. And it’ll be gone in a few days (or so help me God…..). I’m not too worried about it. I’m getting my butt back on the track. I am still down over 30 lbs, I still have fewer than 10lbs to lose to my next mini goal (229) and I still have lots of time before I go home. I just need to hunker down (I have lived in Georgia for too long) and get ‘er did (seriously).

Last week just sucked. Most of it was my fault, so nothing to do but correct, regroup, and move it right along. I’m really enjoying taking up walking again. I love being outdoors!

Got some things to catch up on since we were out yesterday, so I’m off like a prom dress! Have a great day!

Still feeling melanch… melanch… pretty darn sad. Well not pretty darn sad, just ‘meh’. Isn’t there some theory about people getting all verklmept when they lose weight because our bodies release estrogen when we lose fat? Or something?

I don’t know. I just really dislike when I am unhappy with my life for no apparent reason. Having a little trouble keeping my eyes on my own paper.

Anyway, I went for a walk today, which was great.  A nice 45 minute one, too. I wanted it to be an hour, but I was dragging on the way back and just wanted to get home. Much of it was uphill and I didn’t even really feel it, so WIN! That felt pretty good, actually.

I’m eating nice and clean today, drinking my water. Weigh in tomorrow. I’ll be fine if I stay the same. Has been a rough week, eating-wise. Got kind of lazy and started to fall back into the eating out trap. I still haven’t grocery shopped. I guess I have my to-do for tomorrow. I had some more fraud issues on my bank account so going anywhere without a debit card sucks.

So happy I had today off. Was nice to have some extra time to relax. Hope everyone enjoyed the 4th!

See you all for Healthy You tomorrow!

Yeah, so. Hmmm. Having a day, here.  Kind of indescribable. I don’t quite know what’s wrong. Possibly nothing. I don’t know. Moody, I guess.

Scheduled day of rest, exercise wise, though I’m not sure I deserve it since I had 2 days off last week already, but whatever. I am off tomorrow and am likely to do a long walk and a Cardio Barre session. I have to eat clean all day tomorrow, since I have a weigh in Tuesday which may or may not go all that well.

I didn’t make any plans for the 4th. Which meant I didn’t have any cookouts to go to. Nor did I go to the store and buy anything to eat. I’m a genius. So I decided to pop by my favorite grilled chicken place. I got some chicken, some pinto beans (fiber, baby) and some steamed vegetables.

And then I stopped at the convenience store for something to drink, where I was accosted by some items that were not on plan. And I decided to buy them and eat them. I have no idea why.

I don’t know why I get so militant about not having donuts on Fridays at work, and not having french fries and not eating things that aren’t on the list of things I’m intaking right now, but catch me at the right moment in time and I will wolf down something that is the complete opposite of what I should be eating. It wasn’t a full on binge, but let’s face it… I don’t have those anymore. I can’t be excusing myself for these mini binges, simply because I didn’t eat an entire pizza, followed by a hotdog, followed by an entire pint of ice cream. And a diet pepsi. These mini binges are just as damaging as the big ones. Maybe more, because I am constantly excusing them.

So, yes I am kind of angry with myself. I think I have put so much pressure on myself to be at a certain number or size or goal by the time I go home that everything in me is rebelling. I am up on the scale, I don’t feel like working out and I am eating crap. Seems like self sabotage. Maybe I don’t think I can do it, and so I am subconsciously showing myself that I can’t. Maybe it’s me smacking myself in the face for getting all uber confident about my 30 lbs lost. Forgetting that I have to lose 30 lbs THREE MORE TIMES before I make my goal.

My work is not done. I’ve hardly done anything in comparison to what I have left to do. Best not get to feeling like I can coast. There’s nothing but a sliver of accomplishment to coast on.

Back to work.

… you’d laugh.

I woke up early this morning, as is my normal for a day when I don’t have to be anywhere by 8am. On the days when I have to go to work, the alarm is just barely enough to arouse me from sleep.  Anyway, I took advantage of the cool, early morning to take a walk, about a mile or so. Then came home and did my Cardio Barre workout. I skipped my walk yesterday– I like to work out before I eat and I was so hungry that I went ahead and had dinner. And then I got lazy, so I chose not to work out. All night, I kept reminding myself that I have a goal I am trying to hit… so I woke up this morning and got it in good, burning about 318 calories. It’ll do.

I have lunch plans today, so I washed my hair and now I am sitting under my hair dryer:

Except that’s not the bonnet I have. I’m using this one:

Sexy, huh? I know!

I still haven’t measured :gulp: I actually don’t even remember where I put the tape measure I just bought. I don’t know why I have such an aversion to it. I just… don’t want to do it. I don’t know. I am odd.

I spent most of my week a few lbs up, even climbing to 239, but as of today am back down to my Tuesday weight. Exercise seems to make a big difference for me. My days off were not much help at all, so it’s good to be back on routine. And it’s good that I can take a few days off and pick it back up!

I’m loving that it’s a long weekend! Weekends are my time to be selfish and spend time on ME. I’m on a mission. I will succeed.

I hope everyone is having a fabulously healthy day, and if you celebrate Independence Day, Happy 4th!

I’d have titled this Such a Sweaty mess but I didn’t want to gross anyone out right off. I saved that for the opening line.

Welcome to July! Weeee! *waves sparklers around, sets off a cherry bomb*

As you know by now, I like to change my activity up every month so I don’t get bored. In May, I walked every single day. All 31 days. In June I did the 30Day Shred.

I did my Inagural workout this evening, a Cardio Barre session. I didn’t even turn it off when he got to abs. Go me! (I hate ab work and I hate anything done on the floor) Dang, that is a workout! Normally I can count on sweat beading up on my forehead, but when it starts to drip down my neck and onto my chest, I know I’m really working. That workout totally does it for me.  For those who have no idea what the hell I am talking about, here’s a sample:

In about six years, I’ll be able to make it look that easy.

I think I will alternate workouts in between this one. It’s pretty rough on my knees and there is a lot of work on one leg, and then other. Though my legs are getting stronger, my supporting leg is always pretty damned angry with me by the time we get through four 8-counts. I will alternate either a nice, long walk or The Firm. Likely a walk, because I’ve been missing the opportunity to get out of the house and listen to some music.

Eating will stay the same. Not gonna fix what ain’t broken. Still doing great on high fiber, no white flour, no starch, no sugar. I am ready to try adding in some low glycemic fruit like berries, in a bit. I’m not counting calories, or carbs, but I know what I should and shouldn’t be eating and there’s plenty of meats and green veggies and whole grains available for the eatin’.

I’m quite proud of myself today– I intended to pop by El Pollo loco and get some chicken. I was IN the drive thru lane…. I pulled out before I got to the speaker, came home, and made myself something simple and proteiny for lunch. And then went back to work. I cannot fall back into the ‘eating out every meal’ trap again. It’s much harder for me to lose when i don’t cook my own food.

I am gonna chill with something light for dinner and enjoy the rest of my evening. Have some blogs to catch up on and maybe I will get to some writing this evening. I also need to measure, may do that first thing in the am.

Here’s to a great month!

Wow, is June over already? That went by kinda fast. That means it is the end of my self imposed Shred Hell (that wasn’t all that hellish) and it’s on to something new! First a teensy review.

The Shred was not at all as bad as people made it out to be… but it WAS difficult and it does work some parts of your body that may have never been worked before. I did 10 days of Level 1 and stayed the rest of the month at Level 2. I dropped the 30 day commitment after about day 15, knowing full well that

a) I would not be doubling up on workouts to make up for days missed

and.

2) I would not still be doing the Shred even one second into July.

So, I decided to just do it until the month was over. My last Shred workout was Saturday, because on Monday I decided that near constant working out since May was CRAZY and I took a few days off to gear up for July.

Also in June I added a bit of cardio. This is because while the Shred is intense, it is mainly a strength conditioning program. I did see changes in my body and in endurance and what I could handle and for how long (check me out, I can do jumping jacks, now!), but 6 minutes of cardio just wasn’t enough to burn the kind of fat I was seeing during Walk It Out. I needed cardio to turn the flame up a little, so I added about 25 minutes of The Firm Fat Burning workout, or the Intro workout from Cardio Barre, and then did the Shred. And then passed out.

In July, I want to get back to a focus on cardio. I have a lot of fat to burn. A lot of that fat is on my hips and thighs. I want it GONE. It shall be GONE.  July is going to be about bringing back my walks (I’ve missed my daily music and dancing down the street) and doing Cardio Barre. These workouts get my heart rate going, plus help me build strong, long, lean legs (snort– as long and lean as a squatty, very curvy woman can be). Even if my legs are covered in dimply fat, I want the muscles underneath to be strong. Plus, I just really like the workout… sweat sweat sweat. Barre Thighs are my nemesis. I will conquer them.

I was toying with doing a schedule, but I don’t need no stinking schedule. I tend to not want to do things if they’re scheduled. If I plan meals, I suddenly don’t want to eat them as planned. If I plan my clothing, I suddenly don’t want to wear that. Likewise, planning my workouts makes me not want to do it.  I did, though, do well when I committed to a certain number of days in a row, and then a certain number of days off, like 4 days on, 2 days off, 4 days on, 2 days off. Yes, I know that doesn’t equal 7 days… it just keeps me from counting how many workouts I’ve done this week so I can talk myself out of working out.

I am sneaky like that.

I normally do my monthly updating on the 20th, for no good reason, so I’ll save all weights and measurements until then. I WILL say 2 things:

1. On June 1, I was 245. My weigh in on Tuesday was 236.8. That’s a loss of 8.2 lbs. SMASHING. I’m SO HAPPY with that.

2. YES TIFFANY, I GOT A TAPE MEASURE. I’ll be measuring starting July 1 and updating those numbers on the 20th going forward as well.

I want to say thanks to everyone who reads these pages and offers up their cheers and hugs and ideas kudos. Keep ‘em comin’. Yes EVA, that means you and those pom pom’s!

I also might have changed my reward for when I get under 230, but I’m not going to say what it is until I get there. I hear that being mysterious is sexy, so. There ya go.

BTW, I am really liking my shape lately. A Lot. I am remembering that I was about this size when I met FK. The other day I thought how weird it would be if I saw him. What would he say? Would I be disappointed that I didn’t look as glam and fab as I’d like to? You know, how they say the best revenge is living well?

And then my head hurt, so I had to stop thinking about that.

But I might be of a mind to dip my toe into some dating waters soon. Maybe. We’ll see.

Ciao, lovers and lovees. See ya tomorrow!

Healthy You Check in for : June 22, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 238.4

Today’s numbah:

236.8

Change since last week: 1.6 lb

Total Loss: 32.2 lbs!

Check out my chart and my stats at a glance on my Progress page

Not a lot of time for an update at the moment but I wanted to post my weigh in. Very very happy with this week’s numbers. June is winding down and that means a new fitness focus for July! More on that, probably tomorrow.

It’s FUN TUESDAY, and I have reports to get out, so I’ll cut this off here, but *waving* to my Healthy You Peeps and I’ll be sure to make the rounds later on!

Have a super healthy day!

A tale of a Sunday Funday Adventure in which I almost needed to be bailed out of jail for beating some chick’s ass.

Dig it.

Two galpals and I went to the Live Healthy and Be Well Expo this weekend. Look, don’t lecture me about my wild ways.  I’ll settle down when I’m good and damn ready.  That’s just how we roll.

Anyhoo, the expo was real small. I mean rull small, ya’ll. Just a few booths, and I think we passed them all in about 15 minutes. I was expecting a lot of healthcare companies and people trying to give away Shakeweights and Firm DVD’s and such… nawl.  All I saw was a bunch of people trying to schlep their weight loss wares. Fiber this, fruit that, pills, pills, pills. Ya’ll know I hate pills, right? There was some kind of cardio Tai chi demonstration that was cool.

So we’re walking down what is a very short aisle. A few people are milling around us. We passed a booth and this woman  flags us down.  We can’t really avoid her, so we head on over.

“I’m gonna tell ya’ll something,” she said. “Gonna give you some tips for free.” We’re standing there with her card and a brochure and she says, like this is some big f*cking secret, “start eating whole grains. You guys need to eat whole grains and eat healthier. Now, my products…”

I interrupted her and said, “But how do you know I don’t?”

She points to us– boob-a-licious was the name of the game, yesterday– our chest and hips and motions some gestures that I guess mean ‘our whole bodies’,  then she nods and says, “I can tell. You need to eat more whole grains.”

I said, “But you don’t know that I don’t. You didn’t even ask.” She starts to explain away and I said, “No. I’m done, here.” And I walk away. Rude, yes but she pissed me off.

As I’m walking, she says, “well, have a great day and smile!” I wanted to turn around and tell her “f*ck you” but didn’t. I did tell her that she wouldn’t get many customers by flagging down the fat ones and giving lectures without asking what people’s eating habits were FIRST. “You don’t KNOW me,” I said. She laughed.

Later, as the expo was rather small, we’d pass her booth a few times and she’d see me, point and laugh. I thought, “B*tch, I’m glad you think it’s funny. It’s just not.”

My friend T asked me something, about her, and I said, “She has no clue that I eat sugar free, no flour, no starch, and have dropped 30 lbs. She doesn’t know you dropped 15 lbs in the last month. She doesn’t know M has dropped 60 lbs in the last year. B*tch didn’t even ask- she saw some fat girls and just assumed that we don’t eat healthy.  She can kiss my ass.”

It reminds me of a complaint that one of my friends – we call her Purple- said. She recently had gastric bypass surgery and is working her way down from almost 400 lbs. She has lost over 100 lbs recently. Is looking and feeling great… but people look at her and all they see is the fat. They don’t see the struggle. They don’t see the progress. They look and they assume. They try to offer advice. They point and laugh. Every ounce of pride one has in attaining any kind of success pales in comparison to what other people still see– the work that has yet to be done.

M said that she gets a lot of people giving her exercise advice. “Really,” she responds. “Where were you this morning when I was out doing a practice run for the Peachtree Road Race? Or last night, when I went out for 9pm 3mile run? Want to talk to me some more about exercise?”

This is the kind of thing that makes me see red. Being smaller does not make you healthier. My fat doesn’t mean I don’t eat well and get daily exercise. I don’t encounter this a lot, but I do encounter it, and each time,  it makes me want to scream– namely because I know very thin people who can’t spell gym, eat junk all day, drink all night and smoke like chimneys. Go give THEM advice about whole grains. Go ask THEM if they need some exercise advice.

I know these people think they’re helping. Here’s a PSA, Newsflash, High level Security Briefing- YOU’RE NOT.

I’ve been doing the Firm, The Shred, and Cardio Barre. I will use my muscles to knock you the f*ck out.

I don’t remember what I was looking for, when I found a video of Jimmy from LivinLaVidaLowcarb talking about this great lowcarb bread he’d tried. Jimmy is famous for his 150 lb loss and now maintains a website talking about the lowcarb lifestyle, reviewing products meant to help live life easier and in general, being an inspiration.

I always find that I do just fine without bread until I decide that I’m not having it anymore and then ohmyGodIneedsomebreadrightnowwwww! Most of the time, if I can get a hearty, whole grain bread, it doesn’t affect me as badly as regular slice of Wonder. Something in the fiber? I don’t know. I don’t buy bread. The only time I eat it is if I eat out and they put some on the table. I cannot resist the bread at Cheesecake Factory.  I’m also not all that particular, as long as it’s wheat. I can’t stand white bread. *shudder*

So sometimes when I am having some tuna salad (or salmon salad) or some scrambled eggs, or something I’d normally eat with bread, the meal feels slightly empty without it. For a fleeting moment, I wish I ate bread, and then I sit down and eat and the thought is gone.

When I stumbled onto this lowcarb bread from Julian Bakery, and heard Jimmy singing it’s praises, I just wanted to try it. Because. So I ordered a loaf, using the coupon code that was provided on the website. It is baked fresh and all orders are shipped on Tuesdays. I got mine Thursday.

It is about the size of one of those loaves you get at the grocery store– not the regular bread but the whole grain and multi grain breads.

This is a really REALLY dense bread. If you like your bread full of air and barely there, you probably won’t like this bread. It’s a meal in itself. Very thick, very hearty. I LOVE a thick bread, so I was giddy. This would be so good with some stew….

This piece is toward the end of the loaf so it is thicker, but this is about the width of each piece. They don’t slice them razor thin or anything.  I had some today, on my lunch, with my salmon salad. At first I spread the mixture on the bread and tried to eat it like finger food but I found I didn’t like the mixture of tastes together, so I dumped the salad and ate  interspersed with bites of the bread.

Okay, if I didn’t say it before, this bread is thick. Did I mention it was a meal in itself? I was pretty much full after half a slice but I kept eating because it’s what I do. The taste is very slightly nutty, if it’s just plain. A tad bland. This weekend I will toast a slice to have with my eggs. I bet it kicks butt toasted. A little buttah…. it’ll be like buttah.

When I bit into it, it wasn’t like ‘mmmmmm, bread.’ I only reserve that reaction for Cheesecake Factory bread. But it looks like bread and smells like bread and tastes like bread. So. I guess they did a good job of producing a lowcarb product that walks, talks and acts like a duck…err… bread.

The true test for me, as to if I can tolerate it, is its effect on my body. Normally flour makes me sleepy. I come back from lunch and just want to stretch out and go to sleep. Sugar does the same, except I get a little rush and then I crash. I was awake and alert – and satisfied – all through the afternoon. I came home and worked out, had plenty of energy, and then cooked and ate dinner. Very filling and satisfying.

Here are some nutritional deets:

A) Smart Carb No 1 (Net 1 Carb)

Ingredients:

Sprouted Whole Grains of *kamut®, *spelt, *wheat, *rye, *millet, lentils, eggs, organic non-gmo soy milk protein, flax, sesame, *quinoa, *amaranth, wheat gluten, 7 grain flakes, oat bran, sea salt & yeast.

The number that most lowcarbers look at is carbs and fiber. The ‘new school’ lowcarb dieters subtract carbs from fiber to get a net carb. All I really care about are net carbs, or what’s left after you subtract the two. Also, as far as I am concerned, the higher the fiber and protein count, and the lower sugar the better. Seeing a big fat 0 next to sugar makes me happy. This bread is so packed with fiber that it essentially cancels out the carb count. And 12 grams of protein isn’t  too shabby, either!

*I should mention that most diabetics actually figure each slice to be 3.8 carbs– which is far lower, still, than other lowcarb breads.

In all, this isn’t too bad. It’s the lowest of the lowcarb bread, and reviewers about the interwebs say it’s tasty. It’s too expensive to blow through a loaf with any kind of frequency, but I admit most of the cost was shipping. Julian Bakery does offer a multi loaf discount, to take the edge off of the shipping fees.

And since I can’t make salmon salad like my aunt makes salmon salad, I sort of liked the bread better than my salad. I need her recipe.

Once this loaf is gone, I’d like to try the Cinnamon kind… but I foresee that loaf going much, much faster.

I’m thinking a lot… A LOT about the work I have to do. I should be taking this one day at a time, I guess my mind doesn’t work that way. Anyway, sometimes when I’m thinking about something, it’s so weird that I read something that someone else wrote that is exactly what I was thinking.

I was catching up on blog posts this morning and read that one of my fave weight loss bloggers Chris would be guest posting today at MsFitOnline– a site I’ve never been to. I clicked on her link and read her post (I normally don’t read guest posts) and I am sitting here at work trying not to cry into my yogurt. It’s a beautiful post and so amazingly expresses what’s in my heart right now. Not from the perspective of me a year from now, but the feelings of the ‘her’ from a year ago. The reasons I had to get up out of the bed and off the couch. The reasons (the real ones) that I decided I had to hop on the train again. One more time.

I hope no one minds if I share it here… I’d like to come back to it again and again.

If I could write a letter to the me of a year ago this is what I would say….

Dear self,

As you stood there today, eyes locked on that mirror….looking at a stranger that you hadn’t really noticed before.

A stranger that you have been trying to avoid seeing for years….

By avoiding mirrors and family photos, wearing baggy clothing in dark colors.

By being everybody’s fat friend.

By cracking jokes about your weight.

By being the endlessly patient and caring person who never imposes.

Who never asks, never wants, and never  needs.

And by never asking, or wanting, or needing,

You have somehow become a person who never lives, or even feels….

The embarrassment that swept over you in cold waves…

The need to flee…

The urge to run …

From what it was that you were seeing.

From what you suddenly knew everyone else could see.

Well, that feeling was temporary…but you don’t know that yet.

It feels infinite.

As you lie in bed tonight crying.

Asking God to help you, because you don’t believe you have it in you to succeed.

You had tried and failed, and tried and failed…and tried….and failed.

Till you thought you had failure tattooed on your forehead.

Here I stand one year later to tell you that you did it.

You did it.

Somehow, you took every bad thought captive.

You broke that negative tape that told you how fat-and dumb-and unlovable you are;

And created a new tape that told you how great, and awesome, capable, and loved you are.

At some point, you stopped belittling yourself, berating yourself…and began to encourage yourself.

You stopped beating yourself up over yesterday and began living today.

Because you realized that if you lived right TODAY.

If you nourished yourself TODAY.

If you exercised TODAY.

The yesterdays and tomorrows would take care of themselves.

You started to value yourself.

You began to reach out for love, and for friendship.

As you grew healthier in your mind and your body, you began to expect better treatment from those around you.

You began to ask.

You began to want.

You began to live.

It was so dark in the beginning, you couldn’t even see around the corner.

You couldn’t see what kind of a new world you were entering…

Or more accurately, that you were creating.

All you could do was walk.

And let go of your crutch, your consoler, your enemy, your addiction…

Your Food.

You see, you finally figured out that you can’t grab hold of a new life and still cling to your old one.

Oh hon.

Right now, Lying in your bed.

You think you’re trying to ‘get skinny’.

You’re not.

You’re trying to live.

You’re trying To Fully Feel, to Fully Inhabit the life you’ve been given.

You are trying to create a person that you can be proud of…

Or as some would say:

You are trying to be your own superhero.

I want to thank you…

As scared and uncertain as you are,

It is a brave thing to do.

To put down the food and pick up a life.

To Face your past and put it to rest.

To finally escape the prison of your own low expectations.

And rise to the challenge of who God created you to be.

I wouldn’t be where I am today, 100 lbs lighter and light years happier…

If you hadn’t decided

To Live Deliberately.

So, thank you.

Love,

Chris

Christine is an INSPIRATION to many and Im grateful she agreed to guest post for us and didnt even make me beg.

She’s a 36 year old mother who has lost over 100 pounds through eating less and moving more.

She blogs at a deliberate life.

That was beautifully moving. Thanks, Chris, for sharing your journey with everyone. It’s so inspiring, especially on a day like today when I am kind of annoyed with myself.

As I’ve mentioned a few times, my kitchen is currently unusable because the complex is having the pest control people come in and spray. I had to move everything out of my kitchen and my bathrooms. Working out in the middle of all the crap in my living room was a challenge, but I was undeterred.

I couldn’t cook, because all my seasons, utensils, pots and pans are  … in my living room. So I had to eat out, of course, which I hate because it seems when I eat out, I am up the next day. I do so much better when I cook my own food. So I ordered in, some chicken wings and a garden salad. Ate my salad first. Had 7 wings, unbreaded. On a controlled carbohydrate diet, this is a great meal. I was well within my calorie range for the day, and had done my Firm and Shred. The odds were in my favor.

Up today. Granted, only .2lbs. Which will be gone today. It’s the principle of the thing.

I’m just getting really sick and tired of the one step up and two steps back, splurge a little and spend a day making it up. And not that i’ll never splurge but it’s hardly worth spending a day working off sodium and fat for 7 chicken wings. Ya know? These are the things that irritate me. I could have just gone and got some roasted chicken. I could have planned ahead. I’ve known since Tuesday that I wouldn’t be able to cook until tonight.

It was good, though. *shrug*

Well, it’s Shred and Cardio Barre night, so…. that .2 lbs will be gone in a snap. I guarahntee!

Okay. I was emo, but I “blogged it out” and I feel better. Gotta finish my yogurt before it warms up *retch*

Have a healthy day!

Yeah, that song by Nu Shooz is stuck in my head. You know, this one:

So I am going to let you all in on a teensy tiny secret: I am not a machine. I know. I’ll let that sink in.

I post about my daily workouts for two reasons – 1. So I can see it and 2. So others can see it. The reason I want people to see it and I want myself to see it is because it’s motivation. It’s inspiration. It compels me to get up and get the workout clothes on and go to the mini-gym (living room) and get to sweating. Invariably I get tons of nice compliments that refer to how well I am doing and how much I’ve accomplished and on occasion, I am called a ‘machine’.

Now I’ll accept the compliment. I surely will. But a machine I am not. Because some days I just am not feeling it. Some days, like today, I wake up tired. And I am cold and tired throughout the day and I am cold and tired when I leave work and I get home and I am tired and uninspired. So I try to talk myself out of it. Rationalize. “I’ll do a double tomorrow… nah, I know I won’t. Okay I’ll do it, but I’ll just do this part…. nah, it’s not enough to just do that. Gotta do this and that. Do I have enough energy for that and THIS? I dunno. I’m just gonna do this. Nope, you know what? Just do it. Get on with it so you can be done.”

I’ve always said that I will do something ‘not fun’ once. I’m not going to keep doing it. If it’s not fun, I’m not going to torture myself, so it’s safe to say that I enjoy my workouts. But sometimes, man… sometimes I just don’t feel like working out! I want to sit down and curl up under the covers with the laptop and watch a 6hour marathon on TV and then nod off to sleep — like I used to do, but my body won’t let me.

I came home today and I did not feel like working out, but I did. I did not feel like sweating, but I did. I did not feel like ‘feeling the burn’, but I did. I got back to my laptop and started going through my google reader– I read several blogs daily, lots of diet and weight loss blogs, from people like me, who are doing the weight loss thing. I came upon a blog called Escape from Obesity. She is celebrating an 80 lbs loss today. I looked at her pictures, her before and afters, noticed the drastic difference, and the similarities between what I have to lose and what she had to lose. I was literally salivating.  Of course I had to comment and congratulate her. And then stare at her pictures some more.

I can’t wait to be there. I have 88lbs to drop. One at a time. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s gonna take some work. It’s gonna take some dedication. It’s gonna take some days of coming home and dragging myself into workout clothes and lame-saucing my way through a workout. It’s gonna take some concentration. But if I want it bad enough, all I have to do is go get it. There’s proof all over the internet that it can be done.

I want to be one of those people. I dream of the day I can say I’ve dropped 50, 75, 80, 100 lbs.  My daydreams consist of being about to walk around, all comfortable in my skin and feeling good because I look good and feel great. My mind is consumed with making this happen. Call me obsessed, but I will make this happen.

Baby, I can’t wait.

Healthy You Check in for : June 22, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 242.8

Today’s numbah:

238.4!

Change since last week: 4.4 lb

Total Loss: 30.6 lbs!

Check out my chart and my stats at a glance on my Progress page

Uhm. Wow. I hope no one asks me how I did that. Aside from working out like a fiend (save two days of lazyness this weekend) and cleaning up my eating (no sugar, no white flour, no starch, lean protein, lots of veggies), I don’t really know what brought that on. I only know that I was losing tons of inches but only a lb here a lb there, then gaining 3 back and what not.  Got tired of that and buckled down. I started sleeping well again and my monthly cycles came back and I started dropping lbs.

Uhmmm. I’ll take it!

So I have about 3 more chunks of 30 to lose and then I’ll reevaluate myself and see where I’m at. I’m hoping to continue the weight training so that my body reshapes. I saw on someone’s blog the other day that put it perfectly… “I’d rather weigh 180 and be in a size 10 than weigh 160 and be in a 14.”  PERFECT. EXACTLY.

(But still, I have a number I wanna see. *shrug* )

Last night I am pretty sure that I qualified for crazy. I was in the mood to work HARD (I’m on a mission, you know) so I came home and changed clothes and set up my laptop to play my workout DVDs. I cannot figure out how to work my DVD player and I also can’t find the frigging remote to it so I can’t skip sections, etc. Guh. So I use my laptop and I can’t WAIT till I can stop dragging it around.

Anyway, I warmed up with about 25 minutes of cardio from the Firm Basics Fat Burning workout. I’ve done this so many times that my body is used to it and it’s pretty much just a warmup. I then moved to the 30 Day Shred Level 2 workout, skipping Jillian’s warmup cause I kind of hate it and I was already warm. I drop in to do the neck rolls and then get all my stuff together while she is leading those infernal jumping jacks.  Did the shred (ooooouuuccchhhh) and then skipped the cooldown and went straight to the Intermediate Cardio Barre workout.

My living room looks like a mini gym, some days. I have my dumbbells and my portable barre right in the middle of the room. You can’t even see the TV. This is because I also do the pushups and plank work for the Shred on the Barre and not on the floor. Sue me. It takes me 5 minutes to get up off the floor.

So last night was the first time I did the intermediate Barre workout. I have done the intro workout with Richard Giorla about 10 or so times, so I’ve got the moves down– the intro work out is enough to break a sweat.  I read that Richard leading the Intermediate was actually easier to follow than the beginning, so I tried it. HOLY MOTHER OF HURTING THINGS. This workout is pretty fast paced, about a medium difficulty but it works the entire body. Holy cow. I did a lot of grunting and screaming last night. Afterward, I couldn’t feel my legs, Lol.

There are lots of moves to promote, long and lean lines, working every area of the butt and thigh, and there is a killer arm section as well. And sue me twice, I skip the abs. I just have no desire to lay on the floor and crunch.  I ended up doing about 35 of 45 minutes. I know I missed some good leg and thigh work but since we are in a squat through most of 30 Day Shred….. I call it a wash!

I posted my monthly update over the weekend, with progress pictures, please be sure to check it out! I have to get down to bidness now, Tuesdays can be kind of crazy. Thank you so much for your support, and I’m looking forward to getting the pom pom’s out for my fellow Healthy You Challengers!

Have a fantastical day!

[Edit: I also took the little blue XL dress back. I am not small enough for that dress, and it's too short, anyway. I'm not an XL, and I am not 27 years old. I should not be wearing anything that short, haha! I don't like having something hanging in my closet that I can't wear when I don't have a bra that fits or pants I can wear. So I took it back and I feel good about that. I also took back this XL top that I bought, that I could not fit into if I TRIED. Don't know what I was thinking!]