Category — Personal

You know that saying that says something like, it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon? Yeah, I am really feeling that lately. For some reason I look at my weight loss efforts like it should be a sprint. You start and you go, go, go until you’re at the finish line. And then you’re done.

It kind of doesn’t work like that, though.

It’s more like a series of 5K’s, in between which you have breaks of literally sitting on your behind. That’s where I am. Breaking.

In the past, breaking would have involved eating a ton of crap, gaining back everything I’ve lost, deciding I’m “Happy” being fat and lonely and single and not cute and going on with life and making everyone around me miserable with how obviously miserable I am. This time, I can sense things are different– and not that I’ve never been here before, but it’s still different.

I don’t know what’s up, but I just have zero motivation for working out, anymore. Maybe I’m just burnt out, maybe I’m just lazy. I don’t know. My whole attitude during May and June was that I was going to take advantage of the motivation and energy while it was there, because I know me and this (exercising like a mad woman) isn’t me. Sure enough, about a week into July I hit a freaking brick wall and slid down to the dry earth and that’s where I’ve been laying. Resting.

That’s what I am telling myself. When you’ve run a long time and your sides hurt and you’re cramping and can’t breath and you just need a break, you take one. My break is turning out to be longer than I thought it would be, but I guess it’s where I am and I am loathe to make myself do anything.

My only saving grace and the reason I’ve not ballooned back up to 260 is that my eating has, for the most part, been fine. I’ve had very few off plan days– actually no off plan days. A full off-plan day turns into several. I have an off-plan meal or two– in the last month I count two, which isn’t too bad (for me) at all. It has definitely kept me under 240 (and the horrid 250 number) during this time in which I don’t feel like moving my butt.

Yesterday was the 20th, and I normally do pictures and recap the month. I don’t feel like it. So I guess I will do it at the end of the month. I just don’t feel like looking at myself and trying to find the one inch I lost or the one lb I lost since June 20th. The effort is not worth my time and I don’t want any cheerleading over my halfassedness.

I think what I need to do is go back to my initial motivation of ‘don’t talk about it, be about it.’ I’m always talking about what I’m going to do and not doing it. So, when I am back on my feet, I will just do it. And when I am fully doing it again, I’ll let you guys know.

Thanks for the support!

This morning, I have something to celebrate.

Many of you don’t know the financial struggles I’ve had in the last… oh… decade. We’ll just say that. It all goes back to my child rearing days, in which we were so poor we really did eat government cheese. We rarely got Christmas presents… money was just so very tight. When I started making my own money, I couldn’t WAIT to buy WHATEVER I wanted… but my parents had other plans for my money. Sometimes I paid the daycare bill. Sometimes I bought things that needed to be bought for the house. Sometimes I could keep it but then my dad was Mr. TakesTheFunOutOfEverything and insisted I save 75% of my paycheck. This was AFTER the 10% tithe to the church.

HMPH!

Like food, I developed a warped and bad relationship with money. It became more than a means to an end… it was the beginning and end to my happiness. Money meant freedom, to me. Still does.

I wish I hoarded money but I didn’t. When I left for college, I forgot all those lessons my dad tried to teach me about money- pay yourself (save), then pay your bills. You don’t need to buy everything you see. Be responsible with your money and don’t spend it all at once. The second I checked into the dorms, all of those lessons flew out of the window.

Yup, I fell into the trap. The credit card trap. It looks so appealing, when they hand you the form. You fill it out, knowing you ain’t got no gotdang money to pay no credit card bills. And miracle…. I was approved! I immediately went out to buy things I wanted and couldn’t buy, things I don’t even own anymore! A TV, a vcr, some clothes. Books, a jacket with my school’s logo on it. All things I later sold for pennies on the dollar– to pay my credit card bill.

After college, I worked one low paying job after another. I wasn’t paying any bills. Collections companies started calling. I started dodging their calls. Every time I moved, I wouldn’t update my address, so the bills would get returned. out of sight, out of mind, right?

My downfall was payday loans. I could walk into a store and borrow against a future paycheck. At only 300% interest! I had no idea what that meant… just give me money. Oh, but the kicker was that on payday, you paid it back. PLUS the fee. And then you were down again. So you turn it around, meaning you pay off loan and immediately take out another loan against your next paycheck. Soon I had 2 and 3 loans out at the same time, just trying to stay afloat. And then one day the bottom fell out. I had borrowed more than I was making and I wasn’t going to be able to pay them all back. When the checks were cashed, my account would be negative and I would have no money to replenish the account. I had to let everything bounce and then pay everything back.

I had no money for anything and my credit hit the toilet. My student loan went into forbearance, and then into default. My car was repossessed. I was thirty years old with the shittiest credit score I’d ever seen. EVER. Like… low 400′s. Low.

I pulled my credit reports. Page after page after page of collections. Delinquencies. Late payments. Shut offs. Charge-offs. It was a nightmare. I was overwhelmed and to be honest, I did nothing for a long time, until I was introduced to Dave Ramsey.

Who I absolutely HATED, the first time I heard him. Over time, he grew on me. His principles began to make sense. You know who he reminded me of, in a kinder, more gentler, less militaristic sense? My dad.  O_o. Turns out that guy was sayin’ something, all those years. Whatever.

So I started doing Dave’s Debt Snowball, where you take your lowest balance and push money toward it, until it’s paid off. And once that’s paid off, you move to the next, and the next and the next until your debt is taken care of.  It took a few years, but I paid off everything outstanding except for my student loan, which I brought out of collections and current in 2006. I have less than 10,000 to pay back, now. I started with nearly 20K. I paid off the Kia in 2008, making double, almost triple payments for a year. I bought a 2007 Camry just last year, something I never thought I’d be able to do.

Within a few months of clearing up some accounts, I was able to open a cell phone account. Couldn’t do that before. I was on metroPCS (prepaid cellular). I tried to open an account with Wachovia when I first arrived in Atlanta. They took one look at my credit history and said, uhm...no ma’am. Embarassed, I slinked out of that bank and have never been back. I had an internet bank account that I opened at ACE Cash Express and had that for a few years. I started using their Bill Pay service– online bill pay changed my life. I swear! I haven’t had a late payment in… years, probably. Literally.

In 2007, I think? I opened my Bank of America account. And an account with Orange. Last year I opened an account with a credit union. Just a few years ago, I couldn’t PAY to get an account open.  I had bounced  ton of checks and had to pay banks back… I was in ChexSystems in perpetuity, it seemed.

My credit score climbed and climed, as I paid things off and got my finances in line. 505. 550. 590. 600 was a milestone for me. I hung out at 630 for more than a year. For so so SO long, every time I checked my score, it would be hanging out in the ‘Bad’ category. “Fewer than X consumers have a score below this number.’

Yeah. Well. They can suck it.

Today one of my friends happened to mention that she checked her score, which reminded me that I hadn’t checked mine in awhile.  I logged into my best friend, EVAR, MyFico.com. Effing love that site. Not free, but I absolutely don’t trust any other site.  I subscribe to the ScoreMonitor, which lets me know when I get an inquiry, when I rise or fall below a certain threshold, when I qualify for a lower interest rate and especially when anything new pops up. I logged in today to see a number I have never seen before. Suffice it to say I am within 20pts of 700. Which… OMG. If I hit 700, I would throw myself a party!

Not only that but as I was paging through the report, I saw this:

My report has never said that before. All of those yellow bars? That ‘good‘? Has never been there before!  I went a little further to the collections tab. I have never been so happy to see this:

“You have no collections.”  I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT STATEMENT BEFORE.

This… this, today, makes the last 5 years of scrimping and pinching and not doing anything fun, just to pay off bills and get collections and creditors off my back all worth it. I still have one or two things to clear up, but even with those issues, I am just under 700. Thinking back to that day I bit the bullet and ordered my credit report and saw that horrendously low number and wanted to keel over and die, I don’t think I ever thought I’d be here. And I have further to go… but this is great, for me.

*looks at it again* Good? That’s GREAT.

Hello Blog people. I’m here. No one asked where I was, but just to let you know, I’m here. Guess I am taking a bit of a blog break. I just get tired of yammering about myself… do you ever just get sick of yourself? I’m there.

I’m a wee bit emotional, for reasons I haven’t yet uncovered but it is resulting in a lack of desire to work out or blog or… comb my hair… it’ll pass, I am sure. Till then I am holding steady and trying to keep my head above water.

Last night I wasn’t feeling particularly bad, but things have been so pent up, lately. Despite arguing with myself and a few stops and starts, I sought relief in food. I actually enjoyed eating it. I didn’t overeat, though the meal was not even remotely in the same atmosphere as my eating plan. I did not weigh today, and didn’t feel weird about that. I’ll give it a couple of days and, in the meantime, veer myself back toward my plan.

The interesting (or sad, however you take it) thing is that I felt better. I still do. I don’t regret it. Old habits die hard, hm?

Healthy You Check in for : July 13, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 237.8

Today’s numbah:

237.8

Change since last week:  none

Shorty short post today. No change, which is fine. I’ve been rather slack in my working out and I am back to probably not eating enough and eating out too much and not drinking enough water and I am tired. Too tired to dissect and redirect. I am still waiting on MamaNature to bring her  behind on, here. Once that is over I predict a rapid return to my energetic self.

Till the next time!

It feels like it should be Saturday by now. Right? Oy what a long week.

So, I didn’t work out yesterday. And I don’t feel bad about it. I spent my evening freaking out because I broke something on the internet, then getting it fixed and spending the evening in a fetal position and de-stressing. Everything’s good today.

Tonight I HAD to work out (I’m getting bitchy, which happens when I don’t work out), and it’s approximately 812 degrees outside. Celsius. So I had to work out inside because the other day when it was 98 out, I took a walk. In long pants and long sleeved shirt. I was literally ON FIRE. I know, I’m dumb. Anyway, tonight I did The Firm Fat Burning– the whole 45 minute workout, not just the 25 min cardio part. Good work out, and I did a lot of the dips and lunges, etc at the barre. I can’t find the remote to my DVD player so I can’t advance the Cardio Barre DVD to the chapter that I need, so I play it on my laptop and I’m tired of dragging it around. The Firm is a VHS tape and it was ready to go.

The workout went well… had the fan going so I didn’t get as hot as I would have. I can’t wait until I can do dips and lunges well. My knees just freaking hate them.

I may have misread my GirlyTime tracker. It appears that next week I am ovulating, not expecting a visit. Well, damn. I guess I’m just a moody bitch. *shrug*  Anyone wanna make a baby?

Didn’t think so. I’m off to get some things done. Have a wonderful evening!

Note the boys- Girl Talk henceforth.

Me to GreenEyes: Good News

Me: According to my GirlyTimeTracker, my lil friend should be here next week.

Me: This means that I am a moody bitch and the scale is up a few lbs because I am about to experience Rage Week and not because I’m a moody bitch who eats too much.

Green Eyes: That sucks.

Me: I know. I like to be a bitch on my own. I don’t need a reason.

Oy. I will be happy when this week is over. The older I get, the more I notice PMS symptoms. Thankfully they aren’t that severe.

And also if you know me and I bit your head or ass off, don’t worry, it’ll grow back.

Healthy You Check in for : July 6, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 236.8

Today’s numbah:

237.8

Change since last week:  +1lb

Total Loss: 31.2 lbs!

Check out my chart and my stats at a glance on my Progress page

*grumble*

Boo.

Well, I knew it was coming. And it’s only 1lb. And it’ll be gone in a few days (or so help me God…..). I’m not too worried about it. I’m getting my butt back on the track. I am still down over 30 lbs, I still have fewer than 10lbs to lose to my next mini goal (229) and I still have lots of time before I go home. I just need to hunker down (I have lived in Georgia for too long) and get ‘er did (seriously).

Last week just sucked. Most of it was my fault, so nothing to do but correct, regroup, and move it right along. I’m really enjoying taking up walking again. I love being outdoors!

Got some things to catch up on since we were out yesterday, so I’m off like a prom dress! Have a great day!

Still feeling melanch… melanch… pretty darn sad. Well not pretty darn sad, just ‘meh’. Isn’t there some theory about people getting all verklmept when they lose weight because our bodies release estrogen when we lose fat? Or something?

I don’t know. I just really dislike when I am unhappy with my life for no apparent reason. Having a little trouble keeping my eyes on my own paper.

Anyway, I went for a walk today, which was great.  A nice 45 minute one, too. I wanted it to be an hour, but I was dragging on the way back and just wanted to get home. Much of it was uphill and I didn’t even really feel it, so WIN! That felt pretty good, actually.

I’m eating nice and clean today, drinking my water. Weigh in tomorrow. I’ll be fine if I stay the same. Has been a rough week, eating-wise. Got kind of lazy and started to fall back into the eating out trap. I still haven’t grocery shopped. I guess I have my to-do for tomorrow. I had some more fraud issues on my bank account so going anywhere without a debit card sucks.

So happy I had today off. Was nice to have some extra time to relax. Hope everyone enjoyed the 4th!

See you all for Healthy You tomorrow!

Yeah, so. Hmmm. Having a day, here.  Kind of indescribable. I don’t quite know what’s wrong. Possibly nothing. I don’t know. Moody, I guess.

Scheduled day of rest, exercise wise, though I’m not sure I deserve it since I had 2 days off last week already, but whatever. I am off tomorrow and am likely to do a long walk and a Cardio Barre session. I have to eat clean all day tomorrow, since I have a weigh in Tuesday which may or may not go all that well.

I didn’t make any plans for the 4th. Which meant I didn’t have any cookouts to go to. Nor did I go to the store and buy anything to eat. I’m a genius. So I decided to pop by my favorite grilled chicken place. I got some chicken, some pinto beans (fiber, baby) and some steamed vegetables.

And then I stopped at the convenience store for something to drink, where I was accosted by some items that were not on plan. And I decided to buy them and eat them. I have no idea why.

I don’t know why I get so militant about not having donuts on Fridays at work, and not having french fries and not eating things that aren’t on the list of things I’m intaking right now, but catch me at the right moment in time and I will wolf down something that is the complete opposite of what I should be eating. It wasn’t a full on binge, but let’s face it… I don’t have those anymore. I can’t be excusing myself for these mini binges, simply because I didn’t eat an entire pizza, followed by a hotdog, followed by an entire pint of ice cream. And a diet pepsi. These mini binges are just as damaging as the big ones. Maybe more, because I am constantly excusing them.

So, yes I am kind of angry with myself. I think I have put so much pressure on myself to be at a certain number or size or goal by the time I go home that everything in me is rebelling. I am up on the scale, I don’t feel like working out and I am eating crap. Seems like self sabotage. Maybe I don’t think I can do it, and so I am subconsciously showing myself that I can’t. Maybe it’s me smacking myself in the face for getting all uber confident about my 30 lbs lost. Forgetting that I have to lose 30 lbs THREE MORE TIMES before I make my goal.

My work is not done. I’ve hardly done anything in comparison to what I have left to do. Best not get to feeling like I can coast. There’s nothing but a sliver of accomplishment to coast on.

Back to work.

… you’d laugh.

I woke up early this morning, as is my normal for a day when I don’t have to be anywhere by 8am. On the days when I have to go to work, the alarm is just barely enough to arouse me from sleep.  Anyway, I took advantage of the cool, early morning to take a walk, about a mile or so. Then came home and did my Cardio Barre workout. I skipped my walk yesterday– I like to work out before I eat and I was so hungry that I went ahead and had dinner. And then I got lazy, so I chose not to work out. All night, I kept reminding myself that I have a goal I am trying to hit… so I woke up this morning and got it in good, burning about 318 calories. It’ll do.

I have lunch plans today, so I washed my hair and now I am sitting under my hair dryer:

Except that’s not the bonnet I have. I’m using this one:

Sexy, huh? I know!

I still haven’t measured :gulp: I actually don’t even remember where I put the tape measure I just bought. I don’t know why I have such an aversion to it. I just… don’t want to do it. I don’t know. I am odd.

I spent most of my week a few lbs up, even climbing to 239, but as of today am back down to my Tuesday weight. Exercise seems to make a big difference for me. My days off were not much help at all, so it’s good to be back on routine. And it’s good that I can take a few days off and pick it back up!

I’m loving that it’s a long weekend! Weekends are my time to be selfish and spend time on ME. I’m on a mission. I will succeed.

I hope everyone is having a fabulously healthy day, and if you celebrate Independence Day, Happy 4th!

I’d have titled this Such a Sweaty mess but I didn’t want to gross anyone out right off. I saved that for the opening line.

Welcome to July! Weeee! *waves sparklers around, sets off a cherry bomb*

As you know by now, I like to change my activity up every month so I don’t get bored. In May, I walked every single day. All 31 days. In June I did the 30Day Shred.

I did my Inagural workout this evening, a Cardio Barre session. I didn’t even turn it off when he got to abs. Go me! (I hate ab work and I hate anything done on the floor) Dang, that is a workout! Normally I can count on sweat beading up on my forehead, but when it starts to drip down my neck and onto my chest, I know I’m really working. That workout totally does it for me.  For those who have no idea what the hell I am talking about, here’s a sample:

In about six years, I’ll be able to make it look that easy.

I think I will alternate workouts in between this one. It’s pretty rough on my knees and there is a lot of work on one leg, and then other. Though my legs are getting stronger, my supporting leg is always pretty damned angry with me by the time we get through four 8-counts. I will alternate either a nice, long walk or The Firm. Likely a walk, because I’ve been missing the opportunity to get out of the house and listen to some music.

Eating will stay the same. Not gonna fix what ain’t broken. Still doing great on high fiber, no white flour, no starch, no sugar. I am ready to try adding in some low glycemic fruit like berries, in a bit. I’m not counting calories, or carbs, but I know what I should and shouldn’t be eating and there’s plenty of meats and green veggies and whole grains available for the eatin’.

I’m quite proud of myself today– I intended to pop by El Pollo loco and get some chicken. I was IN the drive thru lane…. I pulled out before I got to the speaker, came home, and made myself something simple and proteiny for lunch. And then went back to work. I cannot fall back into the ‘eating out every meal’ trap again. It’s much harder for me to lose when i don’t cook my own food.

I am gonna chill with something light for dinner and enjoy the rest of my evening. Have some blogs to catch up on and maybe I will get to some writing this evening. I also need to measure, may do that first thing in the am.

Here’s to a great month!

Wow, is June over already? That went by kinda fast. That means it is the end of my self imposed Shred Hell (that wasn’t all that hellish) and it’s on to something new! First a teensy review.

The Shred was not at all as bad as people made it out to be… but it WAS difficult and it does work some parts of your body that may have never been worked before. I did 10 days of Level 1 and stayed the rest of the month at Level 2. I dropped the 30 day commitment after about day 15, knowing full well that

a) I would not be doubling up on workouts to make up for days missed

and.

2) I would not still be doing the Shred even one second into July.

So, I decided to just do it until the month was over. My last Shred workout was Saturday, because on Monday I decided that near constant working out since May was CRAZY and I took a few days off to gear up for July.

Also in June I added a bit of cardio. This is because while the Shred is intense, it is mainly a strength conditioning program. I did see changes in my body and in endurance and what I could handle and for how long (check me out, I can do jumping jacks, now!), but 6 minutes of cardio just wasn’t enough to burn the kind of fat I was seeing during Walk It Out. I needed cardio to turn the flame up a little, so I added about 25 minutes of The Firm Fat Burning workout, or the Intro workout from Cardio Barre, and then did the Shred. And then passed out.

In July, I want to get back to a focus on cardio. I have a lot of fat to burn. A lot of that fat is on my hips and thighs. I want it GONE. It shall be GONE.  July is going to be about bringing back my walks (I’ve missed my daily music and dancing down the street) and doing Cardio Barre. These workouts get my heart rate going, plus help me build strong, long, lean legs (snort– as long and lean as a squatty, very curvy woman can be). Even if my legs are covered in dimply fat, I want the muscles underneath to be strong. Plus, I just really like the workout… sweat sweat sweat. Barre Thighs are my nemesis. I will conquer them.

I was toying with doing a schedule, but I don’t need no stinking schedule. I tend to not want to do things if they’re scheduled. If I plan meals, I suddenly don’t want to eat them as planned. If I plan my clothing, I suddenly don’t want to wear that. Likewise, planning my workouts makes me not want to do it.  I did, though, do well when I committed to a certain number of days in a row, and then a certain number of days off, like 4 days on, 2 days off, 4 days on, 2 days off. Yes, I know that doesn’t equal 7 days… it just keeps me from counting how many workouts I’ve done this week so I can talk myself out of working out.

I am sneaky like that.

I normally do my monthly updating on the 20th, for no good reason, so I’ll save all weights and measurements until then. I WILL say 2 things:

1. On June 1, I was 245. My weigh in on Tuesday was 236.8. That’s a loss of 8.2 lbs. SMASHING. I’m SO HAPPY with that.

2. YES TIFFANY, I GOT A TAPE MEASURE. I’ll be measuring starting July 1 and updating those numbers on the 20th going forward as well.

I want to say thanks to everyone who reads these pages and offers up their cheers and hugs and ideas kudos. Keep ‘em comin’. Yes EVA, that means you and those pom pom’s!

I also might have changed my reward for when I get under 230, but I’m not going to say what it is until I get there. I hear that being mysterious is sexy, so. There ya go.

BTW, I am really liking my shape lately. A Lot. I am remembering that I was about this size when I met FK. The other day I thought how weird it would be if I saw him. What would he say? Would I be disappointed that I didn’t look as glam and fab as I’d like to? You know, how they say the best revenge is living well?

And then my head hurt, so I had to stop thinking about that.

But I might be of a mind to dip my toe into some dating waters soon. Maybe. We’ll see.

Ciao, lovers and lovees. See ya tomorrow!

Last night I got word from my mom that I have become an aunt for the 3rd time!

BigMike and his wife T had their baby girl Tuesday, June 30th, about 1pm. She was not due until August, so the baby is a few weeks premature and will have to stay in Nic-U for a few weeks. Per my mom, she is hanging in there!

I am not traveling home until September, and it’s suddenly not soon enough! I can’t wait to meet my niece! I got a quick text from BigMike late last night, he said she was looking good. I bet he’s proud. He’s one of the best dads I know. And I will just tell ya’ll now, between me, my parents, all of our friends and her dad, that is going to be one spoiled baby. I. can’t. wait.

Of course, as with anything having to do with my family, I have some… issues, but I refuse to make this joyous news about me.  I am posting the good news and asking my readers to please keep Babygirl in your good thoughts. Mom says she’s having some trouble eating, but the way BigMike eats, she should pick that up in NO TIME.

Healthy You Check in for : June 22, 2010

Beginning weight: 269

Last week’s weight: 238.4

Today’s numbah:

236.8

Change since last week: 1.6 lb

Total Loss: 32.2 lbs!

Check out my chart and my stats at a glance on my Progress page

Not a lot of time for an update at the moment but I wanted to post my weigh in. Very very happy with this week’s numbers. June is winding down and that means a new fitness focus for July! More on that, probably tomorrow.

It’s FUN TUESDAY, and I have reports to get out, so I’ll cut this off here, but *waving* to my Healthy You Peeps and I’ll be sure to make the rounds later on!

Have a super healthy day!

A tale of a Sunday Funday Adventure in which I almost needed to be bailed out of jail for beating some chick’s ass.

Dig it.

Two galpals and I went to the Live Healthy and Be Well Expo this weekend. Look, don’t lecture me about my wild ways.  I’ll settle down when I’m good and damn ready.  That’s just how we roll.

Anyhoo, the expo was real small. I mean rull small, ya’ll. Just a few booths, and I think we passed them all in about 15 minutes. I was expecting a lot of healthcare companies and people trying to give away Shakeweights and Firm DVD’s and such… nawl.  All I saw was a bunch of people trying to schlep their weight loss wares. Fiber this, fruit that, pills, pills, pills. Ya’ll know I hate pills, right? There was some kind of cardio Tai chi demonstration that was cool.

So we’re walking down what is a very short aisle. A few people are milling around us. We passed a booth and this woman  flags us down.  We can’t really avoid her, so we head on over.

“I’m gonna tell ya’ll something,” she said. “Gonna give you some tips for free.” We’re standing there with her card and a brochure and she says, like this is some big f*cking secret, “start eating whole grains. You guys need to eat whole grains and eat healthier. Now, my products…”

I interrupted her and said, “But how do you know I don’t?”

She points to us– boob-a-licious was the name of the game, yesterday– our chest and hips and motions some gestures that I guess mean ‘our whole bodies’,  then she nods and says, “I can tell. You need to eat more whole grains.”

I said, “But you don’t know that I don’t. You didn’t even ask.” She starts to explain away and I said, “No. I’m done, here.” And I walk away. Rude, yes but she pissed me off.

As I’m walking, she says, “well, have a great day and smile!” I wanted to turn around and tell her “f*ck you” but didn’t. I did tell her that she wouldn’t get many customers by flagging down the fat ones and giving lectures without asking what people’s eating habits were FIRST. “You don’t KNOW me,” I said. She laughed.

Later, as the expo was rather small, we’d pass her booth a few times and she’d see me, point and laugh. I thought, “B*tch, I’m glad you think it’s funny. It’s just not.”

My friend T asked me something, about her, and I said, “She has no clue that I eat sugar free, no flour, no starch, and have dropped 30 lbs. She doesn’t know you dropped 15 lbs in the last month. She doesn’t know M has dropped 60 lbs in the last year. B*tch didn’t even ask- she saw some fat girls and just assumed that we don’t eat healthy.  She can kiss my ass.”

It reminds me of a complaint that one of my friends – we call her Purple- said. She recently had gastric bypass surgery and is working her way down from almost 400 lbs. She has lost over 100 lbs recently. Is looking and feeling great… but people look at her and all they see is the fat. They don’t see the struggle. They don’t see the progress. They look and they assume. They try to offer advice. They point and laugh. Every ounce of pride one has in attaining any kind of success pales in comparison to what other people still see– the work that has yet to be done.

M said that she gets a lot of people giving her exercise advice. “Really,” she responds. “Where were you this morning when I was out doing a practice run for the Peachtree Road Race? Or last night, when I went out for 9pm 3mile run? Want to talk to me some more about exercise?”

This is the kind of thing that makes me see red. Being smaller does not make you healthier. My fat doesn’t mean I don’t eat well and get daily exercise. I don’t encounter this a lot, but I do encounter it, and each time,  it makes me want to scream– namely because I know very thin people who can’t spell gym, eat junk all day, drink all night and smoke like chimneys. Go give THEM advice about whole grains. Go ask THEM if they need some exercise advice.

I know these people think they’re helping. Here’s a PSA, Newsflash, High level Security Briefing- YOU’RE NOT.

I’ve been doing the Firm, The Shred, and Cardio Barre. I will use my muscles to knock you the f*ck out.