Yesterday afternoon I happened to catch the last 20 minutes or so of  the Dr. Phil show (don’t judge me!). He was profiling people who were in recovery from addiction to painkillers. A timely topic since 80′s heartthrob Corey Haim, a known prescription addict collapsed and died in his apartment.

A twiend and I were discussing the program briefly after the show. She broke her ankle earlier this year and said her doctor had no issues with writing her script after script for pain meds, but she would often sit in pain because she didn’t want to become dependent on them. I could definitely relate.

I am the kind of person to try every other remedy before I pop a pain pill. I hate pills anyway (they stink!) but also because my father suffers from chronic pain on a daily basis. Debilitating migraines and back and neck pain plague him to the point where he now takes shots to alleviate the misery. The minute something begins to hurt, he calls for his pills. He has a cabinet in his bedroom that looks like a pharmacy shelf, full front to back with both over the counter and prescription medications and pain killers like Oxy and codeine.

I once went home for a visit, said I had a headache from the flight. He handed me a pill and like a dummy, I took it. I figured at the worst it would be Tylenol 3.

Soon after I took the pill, my mom asked me to go to the store. Safeway was just down the street a few blocks but it took me forever to get there. Once  was there, I had forgotten what I went to the store to buy. After wandering the store for a few minutes, I remembered that I had made a list, slowly picked up the items and drove home. “I feel funny,” I remember saying as I dumped the bag of groceries on the counter. “But my headache is gone.”

My mom looked at me, her eyes narrowed, talking to my father over my shoulder.  ”What did you give her?”

My dad shrugs. “Oxycodone.”

It was then decided that my dad was no longer allowed to give me pain medication. A headache, to him, means gripping, searing, illness-inducing pain. So pain releif, to him, is a prescription medication.

I’ve had several friends that suffer from chronic, debilitating pain as well. It hurts my heart to see them have to seek out others with the same prescriptions to get a little relief, when doctors are so afraid of patients getting hooked that they don’t prescribe enough to keep a patient pain free. To the other end of the spectrum, a doctor that was a guest on Dr. Phil’s show said t drove it home by saying, “If 11 manatees washed up on the beach every single day, there would be outrage. But these are people, and nothing is being done.” It’s not only celebrities that are dying from overdoses! It’s regular people. It’s you and it’s me.  That’s frightening, to me!

I don’t think that my dad is abusing his medications. I do think he is dependent upon them, and that’s something I’ve never wanted to be.  I guess maybe that’s why I have such an aversion to medication. ANY kind of medication, since I also refuse to go on antidepressants. I’ve seen my dad pop a pill for something my whole life. There’s something about it, that is unappealing to me.  It’s not what I want to be.

While I am sure there is a middle ground between ‘pops a pill for everything’ and ‘never takes pills, ever’, maybe I just like being different but I haven’t ever been tempted to explore it. I feel like I am such a black or white, off or on, hot or cold person that my pendulum would simply swing to the other end.  You never know, I could be staring at myself up there on the Dr. Phil show!

Becoming dependent on something, to me, is a loss of freedom and control. And if it’s one thing I like, it’s being in control.

Kirstie Alley Returns To The Small Screen With “Big Life“

February 6, 2010 8:58 a.m. EST

Los Angeles, CA, United States (CNS) – Kirstie Alley has been on and off television screens with her sitcoms and magazine covers with her highly-publicized weight issues. But now she’s combining the two for a new reality show, “Kirstie Alley’s Big Life.”

Set to premiere on A&E in March, “Kirstey Alley’s Big Life” is the first reality show starring the Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winner, although her critically acclaimed Showtime hit “Fat Actress” was based on her life as well.

In her new show, cameras follow Alley as she battles weight loss, single parenting, love, and the limelight. The new show also shows Alley as launches her new weight loss company and brand.

“This show has been cathartic for me…shown me who I really am…again,” Alley said. “And it’s really freaking funny.”
“Kirstie Alley’s Big Life” premieres Sunday, March 21st at 10pm ET/PT on A&E with back-to-back episodes.

Really?

So I’m sitting here watching TV, minding my own business, when my regularly scheduled obsessive marathon of Criminal Minds (subliminal message: Matthew Gray Gubler, NEVER cut your hair!)  is interrupted by views of Kirstie Alley on a couch talking about men and life and licking things.

And I’m thinking, is this some kind of deja vu? Haven’t I been here before? Haven’t I seen this before? Wasn’t there… yes. Yes, I saw it the first time when it was called Fat Actress.

Now she’s back with Kirstie’s Big Life. Really? It’s really not Fat Actress except on A&E and not Showtime, where people have to pay for programming and therefore won’t pay to watch things like Kirstie Alley talk with John Travolta about how she’s fat?

Oh, Kirstie. You were always one of my faves, you know. Back when you gave that acceptance speech and thanked your husband for ‘giving you the big one for 8 years‘, and then when you had that show in NBC where you got to wear lingerie and hang out with Kathy Najimy and cute gay men. And even when you signed up to hawk Jenny Craig, I was rooting for you.

And then when you finished your Jenny stint, you looked fabulous. You looked like you felt fabulous. But the weight was coming back, already. I’m sure of it. Because I, and you, and a lot of people, when we lose weight, we get cocky and self assured. We start eating things that were not part of our regular eating plan, because we’re thin, now. We can eat like thin people, because thin people eat everything, right?

We never learned that the hardest part of losing weight is saying no to that stuff you probably shouldn’t keep shoving into your mouth. We never figure out that the hardest part of losing weight isn’t losing the weight. It’s keeping the weight off. And then when it creeps back on, pound by pound, and your clothes are growing tighter and smaller and you’re blaming it on the dryer or the dry cleaner or your cycle, or really heavy molecules in the air, you realize that losing the weight was probably the easiest part of losing weight.

And wow. To quoth the good Doctor Phil, nee McGraw,”How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

Not so well, for Kirstie. Yeah, It didn’t work for me, either. I’m trying to learn that lesson at the outset, this time around.

SO LISTEN.

Here’s the thing. I said the same thing about the Jack5ons documentary… I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not going to watch it. I’m just going to complain every time it comes on and pick on people while I watch it. That will make me feel good about this reality TV thing I keep trying not to get sucked into. I normally, really don’t watch a lot of reality unless it’s documentary style.

Or apparently if it’s five used-to-be-famous-only-still-famous-cause-of-their-last-names-but-can’t-sing-Jacksons.

Or if it’s Kirstie Alley.

I said I liked her. GEEZ.

So… riddle me this…

I don’t watch either show with any sense of regularity, so maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about, but… was the Tonight Show with Jay Leno really that good?

Good enough that after only 7 months of Conan being in the Big Chair, and Jay doing a deplorable version of… uhmmmmm what I understood was the same damn show, just at 10pm, that they just reversed the entire deal? Canceled Jay’s sucktastic show, gave him back the Tonight Show, and ousted Conan? Allegedly, this is what is happening.

How……….how is this right? Am I not understanding some far fetched reason? Is this just show business?

It seems like NBC has been screwing people over for decades. When I was growing up, the big deal was that Letterman was mad that he didn’t get the Tonight Show. I daresay that was nearly 20 years ago. Then Conan struck a deal in 2004 to take over the show in 2009.  Jay was going to retire. Jay didn’t know this?  Was this some sort of surprise?

So, Jay didn’t want to retire. NBC gave him another show. That’s basically the Tonight Show for people who can’t stay up late. It was awful, all three or four times I watched. Sucked so bad NBC canceled it. Okay. Uh. So. It would seem to me that Jay is out of a job, then. How does this turn into Jay going back to the Tonight Show? Allegedly.

I don’t mind either of them but wow, Jay is looking like a purebred asshole in all of this. I just wonder if NBC has him over the same barrell that he has Conan over. I mean… there’s a whole new set and new staff. Does the staff stay? The set?

Clusterf*ck. I mean, really!

Ugh. I’ve kind of always wanted to work in Entertainment. It’s the glitz I love, but I love the backside too. Unfortunately sometimes the backside is real dirty. Needs a good wipe. Ew. Horrible analogy. Sorry about that!