Happy Saturday of a 3 Day Weekend!  Yeahhhhhh!

I’m chillin’ like a villain around this piece! I need to get up and clean a bit, go get some food. And walk. I think it’s going to be a scorcher so I might do Leslie Sansone’s 2 mile walk and then the 1 mile for a total of 3 miles. I’ll do that today and tomorrow and for my last Walk It Out (OHMYGODLASTWALK) I MIGHT drive down to Chastain Park and walk around. It’s 3 miles around, I think? And I haven’t done it in a few years. It’ll be nice to go somewhere for the last official walk.

As for past Walk It Out? Well. I am being kind of indecisive and that’s driving me crazy, because June 1 is like… TUESDAY. I hate to jump right from one thing to another without a break, but I don’t want to lose momentum. I need something that is a set period of time so I can count it down. I am considering the 30 Day Shred…. I don’t know that I want to work out everyday, though. I will still walk 5 to 6 days a week likely, but I am looking forward to not HAVING to walk every day. Taking at least ONE day off would be preferable. I do want to add to what I’m doing though, bump up the intensity. Shred would probably do it. Either that or The Firm.

Or both.

I’ve been watching a lot of videos, lately. YouTube videos of people doing weight loss Vlogs, and such. I only did one video for WIO. I intended to do them weekly but I was too worried about how I looked and sounded and I didn’t have appropriate equipment so that it turned out well and… meh. Maybe for June I will give it another shot. Anyway. I was going somewhere… I was saying that a lot of people were talking about their goals and rewards and surpassing them and such. Which makes me think about my goals and where I want to be at certain times.

Not that I want to put a time clock on anything, but the plan I am on is aimed to have me at my 100lb weight loss goal in about a year. Maybe more, which is fine, but I need something to shoot for. I need a challenge and a mark to hit and if I miss it, fine but at least I was going for something. There’s a saying that it’s better to aim high and miss than aim low and hit. I like to aim high and see how far I can get. So. That said, I have a couple of milestones I want to hit:

240 (29lbs down)- Used to be my ‘I can’t get any fatter than this’ weight. I am currently between 6 and 9 lbs over this.  Once I reach 240, I will let myself buy a few new smaller things. I need pants and some bras. I do have things I can shrink into, but I always like to have fresh, cute things for summer. I’m putting off shopping mostly because I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed when I get in the dressing room and I haven’t dropped as many sizes as I think I have, because I have stretched out my clothing or because the clothes I have are worn from age and use. I truly believe that clothing stretches, especially jeans. Just because my 22′s are loose doesn’t mean I wear a size 20. Or 18. So. 240 will bring a shopping trip and I hope I will see good results in the dressing room.

220 (49 lbs down)- This is what I weighed when I moved to Atlanta. And then I started eating all the good food here and.. well… the food here is goooood. Woo. Not to mention I lived with my aunt for about 6 weeks and that woman can cook, dammit. I’m sure that I gained about 10lbs immediately and just kept going up. I also got just under 220 in 2008, so I know it’s possible for me to get down there. I definitely want to see that number again, and the numbers below it. I felt positively thin then. And then on to the next one. Somewhere between 240 and 220 I’d like to get a Wii so I can get Wiifit. Maybe if I see 230 during June I will get it so I can have something for July.

199 (70lbs down)- Obviously, this will put me under 200. Onederland is pretty much a dieter’s dream, if they’re of a certain weight. Once I hit here, I think I will get that big damn TV I’ve been lusting after but haven’t bought.

180 (89 lbs down)-  A long, LONG time ago, I hit about 188 and oh my damn. I looked really good. I think I was at about a size 12, so… half the size I am now pretty much. Just… I mean… I basically can’t wait to get there. I don’t have a reward for this level yet.

169 (100lbs down)- will bring me to 100 lbs lost.

150 (119lbs down)- Pretty much my goal… but we’ll see what I look like about every 10 lbs until I get down to where I I feel comfortable. I have decided that I want to end up in a single digit size. Whatever size that ends up to be, I just want it to be a single digit. I am pretty curvy, so I don’t think I’ll ever be a waif. We’ll see what I look like when I hit an 8. I saw my mom at a size 8 and I couldn’t believe how great she looked. I have NO idea what size she is now, since after 8 years at the same weight, she started dropping again for no reason at all. She is now between 120 and 130. I’m kind of jealous.

Whether I get below 150 will be totally up to my body, I guess. I’ll welcome it, though. I remember thinking I was fat at 150 when I was a teenager. Now it’s my goal.

My reward for my final goal (or as close as I can get  to 100 lbs lost by May 2011) will be a trip. Complete with shopping for cute outfits and such. YESSSS.

I’m already planning it. I cannot fail.

A while ago I started talking about Carbmaster yogurt:

I’m not a huge fan of yogurt, but it is convenient and a good source of protein and if I can find it in a lower carb, I am all over it. The Carbmaster is great because it’s not too smooth like Yoplait and it doesn’t have too much sugar. There are only 80 calories per cup and about 3g net carbs. They have great flavors– awesome stuff.

Since I was talking about Carbmaster,  a lot of people asked me if I liked Fage (Fa-yay) Greek Yogurt:

I’d heard of it but never tried it. It’s plain yogurt that, to me, has to be doctored so it has taste and some sweetness.  The first time I tried it, I had it with a dollop of sugar free blackberry preserves. Not bad, not bad, but I started putting granola in it because I like a little texture. Yogurt tends to be way too smooth for my palate,  which makes me gag. Seriously. Without the granola, I can’t take the smooth, creamy texture of Fage. WITH the granola, I have to eat it quickly because my granola becomes really soggy way too quickly and then I can’t eat it. I am very particular about texture and how things feel in my mouth (wiggles brows) and soggy granola and way too smooth yogurt is not the business. I tried to have some this morning and after a few spoonfuls I was gagging. No go.

Final verdict: I like the Fage, but not nearly as much as the Carbmaster. The CarbMaster serving is smaller (less waste, I never eat all of the Fage), there are fewer carbs, the taste and texture are better and the CarbMaster doesn’t make my granola soppy and soggy. I’d use Fage in cooking, etc but I don’t think I’ll be buying it again for the purpose of just eating yogurt. I think you have to be a yogurt lover to enjoy it.

Et voila.

On other fronts, I am down 2 of the 3 lbs I was up yesterday. Still a freaking mystery, but at least I am headed away from 250. Someone was on the verge of getting bitten. The last two days I have ramped my calories back down. I don’t have the kind of body that responds to a high calorie level. I also don’t feel stuffed to the gills all day and I’m way more energetic.  I’d like to not see 247 anymore. I am anticipating that I’ll be seeing 246 again this week for Healthy You, which is frustrating, really. On June 1 I will have been back on the train for 2 months and I am still trying to lose 10 lbs. I looked at my pictures again and I kind of feel like I see less of a difference than I did before. I think I want to see a huge difference, but I don’t. I feel like I am wobbling along very slowly. I just want this effort to be worth it. I am a results oriented person…. I am not going to exercise and eat healthy into oblivion and not see any result… if I am going to eat well and exercise and still sit at 245 then I may as well eat whatever the hell I want. The benefit of healthy eating and exercise is a loss of weight. Let’s get a move on, body!

I also admit that some of these feelings are  a result of looking at a friend’s progress photos. She’s doing really well and my jealous nature is rearing its ugly head. I feel like I’m not doing anything worth talking about and I have to stop comparing my efforts to hers but…. *grumble*.

Well. Onward and upward. Errrr downward.

Walk it Out Day 23! I’ll be taking my walk later. I just walked the complex yesterday, a nice leisurely walk but I broke a sweat, so that was good. This is the last week so I want to give it a good push. To be honest I am tired and I am looking forward to June 1 so’s I can take a day off. I know, that’s totally unlike me. I never knew walking was so strenuous but my body hurts! I am very tempted to try out the complex gym and do the treadmill. Not to be lazy, just for something a little different. Though, yesterday I talked about doing the walks outside because I couldn’t cheat and just stop whenever I was ‘done’. There are a lot of times that I am ‘done’ midwalk but I still have to get home. Usually a good song will pump me back up and I’ll finish out the walk at a good pace.

It’s a gorgeous Sunday here. I am spending it inside. My apartment is not fit for visitors and I need to fix that. I may venture out after my walk and hit the grocery store for some food. Other than that, I need to do laundry and find all of my spoons. I’m also doing some writing today! Yay.

Okay, so.  I need that one guy that reads my blog to like… blank out for a couple of minutes because I need some girl talk time.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here… and stuff like that. Long whinging post ahead. I’m just talking it out.

If anyone is sneaky enough you’ve found my futile attempts at dropping the pounds this year. Sad to say, I’ve failed, once again. I am, once again, sitting at 20lbs over my OMFG I CAN’T EVER GET TO THAT WEIGHT point.  Essentially I need to lose 20lbs before I can even start to lose weight. Encouraging, hmmm?

I was thinking about my post last week, about what that DJ had to say about Kirstie Alley (how she should just be happy being fat) and I realized that everyone anyone says about anyone who is fat, I internalize. I automatically assume they are talking about all fat people and that includes me. When she said that about Kirstie, I also automatically take it onto myself that she is talking about me and you (if you’re fat) and everyone else.

It bothered me because it’s something I’ve really been bothered BY lately. This whole… diet thing. I’m not a big eater. I just don’t move a lot. I prefer to sit at my computer and do things rather than go take a jog somewhere. Me? Jog? You must be out of your MIND. What’s more, I have no desire to change that. I like my sedentary habits. I have online commitments to things that I love and want to keep.

I don’t mind eating healthy at all. I just don’t like cooking and a 10 piece nugget meal tastes better than a salad. I mean, it’s just that simple. Cooking everyday or every three days and carting my meals around with me and not eating what others can eat (and only having 1-2 measly lbs to show for it)… it doesn’t last long, for me.  There are things I feel better when I eat, and things I should avoid because they make me feel bad when I eat them. I’m not always successful at sticking to those guidelines.

I always say to myself  that I am a grownup. I do what I want. I eat what I want, when I want to eat it, where I want to eat it. I don’t like to exercise and I just refuse to do it. So all of these complaints should lead to the fact that I should just be happy being fat.

But I’m not. And I can’t be. I make attempts at it, but in the end I’m just not happy with the size of the clothes I have to buy and what I look like in the mirror. I’m not happy that the major reason I don’t get together when my friends travel the country is because I’m always the biggest and least attractive and I don’t like feeling like the special friend. Or the girl that watches the purses and the coats. Or the girl that gets elbowed out of the way so men can get to them. No thanks, I can feel all bottom of the totem pole at home. Not that it’s their fault at all. It’s just something I feel when I am out with others. I don’t measure up. I don’t think I can measure up.

I said a few weeks ago that I wanted to start dating. And despite all the kind words, I just don’t see what other people say they see. More to the point, I think men see what others see, but feel they’re ‘too good’ to date me. And if they were to date me, there’d be certain criteria I’d have to fulfill. And while it’s easy to say well you don’t need that guy anyway, the reality is that just about every guy is that guy. He never wants to think of  himself as that guy. He won’t admit to being that guy– but no guy is going to choose the fat virgin. He might end up with her. He might settle for her. He won’t choose her. I don’t know that I blame him.  That is my reality.

I read people’s diatribe’s and long, long, LONG and unrealistic list of demands. If that’s what they truly believe, I’m in that same place I’ve been before where I don’t think there are men out there looking for women like me. (I swear, Tex, if you come up in here with some lid for every pot I will fly to H-Town and BITE YOU! Wait, you would enjoy that…).

I realize that it’s easy to be melancholy and down on myself than it is to get up off of my ass and start doing something about the amount of space it takes up. It’s easier to sit in the dark corners and lament about how men don’t want me. It’s easier to look for the bad news before the good news. I’m kind of lazy, and so I shoot for the easy.

And when I am done with the easy, I look a little deeper and see if I can find the strength to do it one more time. Did you see Michael Jackson’s This is It? I loved it. Every moment. Especially how he was so encouraging to the band and the singers, he wanted to admonish them with love. L-O-V-E. In my head, when I say ‘one more time‘, for some reason I hear him saying it. I’m not encouraged by it, or anything, but it does make me smile.  Anyway. One More Time.

And as much as I would like it to be about me, I know in my heart that it’s not. Were it for me, I’d stay fat. For me, I am not going to get up and exercise. Nor am I going to eat healthy or grocery shop. I’m doing it so I don’t feel like the fat kid. I’m doing it so I have a fighting chance at being noticed. I’m doing it so I can walk past a mirror and like what I see in it. I’m doing it so I can take a picture and not cut it off at the neck (international sign on every dating site, ever, for This Girl is Trying to Hide How Big She Is. And NEXT.

And I know I will get some nice comments and thank you… but I listen to men and what they say when they think other people (women) aren’t listening. I watch what they do and how they react to certain people. And it’s not that I don’t just adore my personality and think I’m the greatest, ’cause I do think I am awesome. It’s that non-conformity along this particular vein has put me in a place I don’t want to be. Conforming, along this vein, might pull me out of it. I have to do something, because right now I feel like I can’t date until I can pull a glance from someone.

And right now I don’t. And I don’t blame them.

One More Time,

Kirstie Alley Returns To The Small Screen With “Big Life“

February 6, 2010 8:58 a.m. EST

Los Angeles, CA, United States (CNS) – Kirstie Alley has been on and off television screens with her sitcoms and magazine covers with her highly-publicized weight issues. But now she’s combining the two for a new reality show, “Kirstie Alley’s Big Life.”

Set to premiere on A&E in March, “Kirstey Alley’s Big Life” is the first reality show starring the Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winner, although her critically acclaimed Showtime hit “Fat Actress” was based on her life as well.

In her new show, cameras follow Alley as she battles weight loss, single parenting, love, and the limelight. The new show also shows Alley as launches her new weight loss company and brand.

“This show has been cathartic for me…shown me who I really am…again,” Alley said. “And it’s really freaking funny.”
“Kirstie Alley’s Big Life” premieres Sunday, March 21st at 10pm ET/PT on A&E with back-to-back episodes.

Really?

So I’m sitting here watching TV, minding my own business, when my regularly scheduled obsessive marathon of Criminal Minds (subliminal message: Matthew Gray Gubler, NEVER cut your hair!)  is interrupted by views of Kirstie Alley on a couch talking about men and life and licking things.

And I’m thinking, is this some kind of deja vu? Haven’t I been here before? Haven’t I seen this before? Wasn’t there… yes. Yes, I saw it the first time when it was called Fat Actress.

Now she’s back with Kirstie’s Big Life. Really? It’s really not Fat Actress except on A&E and not Showtime, where people have to pay for programming and therefore won’t pay to watch things like Kirstie Alley talk with John Travolta about how she’s fat?

Oh, Kirstie. You were always one of my faves, you know. Back when you gave that acceptance speech and thanked your husband for ‘giving you the big one for 8 years‘, and then when you had that show in NBC where you got to wear lingerie and hang out with Kathy Najimy and cute gay men. And even when you signed up to hawk Jenny Craig, I was rooting for you.

And then when you finished your Jenny stint, you looked fabulous. You looked like you felt fabulous. But the weight was coming back, already. I’m sure of it. Because I, and you, and a lot of people, when we lose weight, we get cocky and self assured. We start eating things that were not part of our regular eating plan, because we’re thin, now. We can eat like thin people, because thin people eat everything, right?

We never learned that the hardest part of losing weight is saying no to that stuff you probably shouldn’t keep shoving into your mouth. We never figure out that the hardest part of losing weight isn’t losing the weight. It’s keeping the weight off. And then when it creeps back on, pound by pound, and your clothes are growing tighter and smaller and you’re blaming it on the dryer or the dry cleaner or your cycle, or really heavy molecules in the air, you realize that losing the weight was probably the easiest part of losing weight.

And wow. To quoth the good Doctor Phil, nee McGraw,”How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

Not so well, for Kirstie. Yeah, It didn’t work for me, either. I’m trying to learn that lesson at the outset, this time around.

SO LISTEN.

Here’s the thing. I said the same thing about the Jack5ons documentary… I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not going to watch it. I’m just going to complain every time it comes on and pick on people while I watch it. That will make me feel good about this reality TV thing I keep trying not to get sucked into. I normally, really don’t watch a lot of reality unless it’s documentary style.

Or apparently if it’s five used-to-be-famous-only-still-famous-cause-of-their-last-names-but-can’t-sing-Jacksons.

Or if it’s Kirstie Alley.

I said I liked her. GEEZ.

It’s Monday, again. How does that keep happening?

Thankfully it is a short week, because the last few weeks have been long and hectic and busy. Which I love, but it makes me crave some good old fashioned slow time. Here’s to hoping it will be quiet and peaceful. Boss is at our TX location this week and then off Wed-end of the week, so there’s a good chance of that. Yay.

So, some thoughts. Instead of spewing them all over twitter, I’ll just post them here. Then I can stop thinking them and go on with my life.

1. AMA’s missed them. On purpose. I dislike awards shows, mostly because I don’t have the attention span to sit through artists/comedians/actors I don’t know or recognize or don’t give a rip about. Also because Award shows have weird practices in which I rarely think the choices are genuine. Sometimes people win because of personal politics. Sometimes people win because it’s good PR.

And sometimes people win because they died — I’m looking at you Michael Joseph Jackson. I’m as big a fan as anyone, but what, exactly did MJ release this year that was worthy of being nominated let alone winning an AMA this year? Nothing. For example, the album that sold millions of copies this year was released in 2003. HOW is that eligible? That album can’t even register on the regular pop chart! Do I think it’s incredible that his music is still selling? YES. Do I miss his musical inspiration and do I feel we’ve lost a legend? Yes. Should his nomination and awards take away from artists who were busting their asses recording and touring while he wasn’t? No. Number Ones shouldn’t have even been eligible for nomination. Not to mention that there’s so much fanfare, now that he’s gone, that he would have loved to see when he was alive. It’s a shame that we don’t honor people more in life. We wait till they’re dead and then heap meaningless awards on them.

While I’m on the AMA’s, lemme just say– I’m not a Taylor Swift fan at all. She reminds me of debut Avril Lavigne, all in the voice. In fact, I heard her song on the radio once and asked V when Avril was going to stop singing about high school, so don’t think this rant is about her musical talent. I’m SICK of reading how Taylor needs to thank Kanye for all of her exposure. Taylor doesn’t need to thank Kanye for ****. She had ALREADY WON THAT AWARD when he showed his ass. She had already been on Ellen, had already sold millions of albums, had already topped the country charts. Let’s not reward Kanye’s assholish behavior by saying he made her a star– she already WAS one. I’ve never seen more grace under fire than I’ve seen from Taylor, so people who are on her behind need to back the truck up. Cause I said so!

2. I think I am going to go on a diet. Stop laughing! Really. So here’s the deal: I always manage to lose about 15 lbs between Nov and the beginning of the year, because I’m not that big of a holiday food eater. I’ll have a plate or two over the entire season, but I can’t handle days on end of turkey and stuffing and potatoes and gravy, and then pies and cakes and cookies and candy– I just can’t do it. I’m not a holiday eater, really.  

I think I am either going to have to figure out a way to tie myself to the bandwagon, or accept myself as fat and move on to being great in some other way. Maybe I will never see a single digit size in my lifetime. Maybe I will never be svelte and thin. Maybe I will always have ‘too much junk in the trunk’ and ‘too much booty in the pants’.  But then I look at myself and know that I have issues with how much weight I am carrying. I don’t like what I see and I don’t want to be here. I, however, can’t figure out a way to keep myself committed to healthy eating.

I was chatting about this topic with Skinnyemmie’s Emily Sandford last week. She was in Atlanta for work, and it was wonderful to put a face to a name that I’ve been talking to online for such a long time. She said, and it really resonated with me, “If you’re not ready to do it, it won’t stick. So don’t waste your time. Eat what you want and enjoy it. When you’re ready, it’ll happen.” I’m trying to decide if I’m ready.

3. Uhm. Is anyone aware that November 30th is NEXT WEEK?  What is November 30th, you ask? Have you not been paying any attention to me at all?

NaNoWriMo ends Nov 30th. By that point, all participants will have been expected to achieve at least a 50,000 word count and, best case scenario a finished piece. I passed the 50K mark on November 15th. I have not, however, finished my piece. Honestly I would say I’m just over halfway done. I realized that I was unable to move on because my story is missing a big chunk called………STORY. I was trying to skip a chunk of time in my storyline. It didn’t work. So I spent the weekend writing some filler– in fact I still have half a chapter of filler to write. Since I’ve already hit 50K, I haven’t really followed the ‘don’t edit, just write’ rule. At this point, I want it to make sense and not end lame. So, it would appear that I have 7 days to make that happen in order to meet my own deadline. Wow.

Uh. I hope I make it.

So, since I have work to do, I guess I will stop ranting and get to work. And by work I mean writing. I love when Boss is out!

Got a question for you, blog.

Do you ever feel like you have to be mean to yourself, in order to stop something, start something, change something? Because I do and I hope to heck I am not alone.

Now, I don’t mean hateful, ugly things, though those things come to mind from time to time. Its an old habit that can be pretty hard to break. But sometimes I read blogs and forums and I see where people have pumped themselves up and given themselves a nice little pep talk and then they go and do all the things they’re supposed to do and everything is fantastic. Or they fall off the wagon, and they gather their strength and say positive things to themselves and then everything is fantastic again.

It just…doesn’t work like that, for me. I often say that it’s hard to scam me, to sucker me, cause I am the original scam artist. I can talk myself into– or justify– just about anything. Doubly true if it involves food and I am hungry. I’ll have myself talked into the most amazing fattening, carb laden thing and as soon as the last swallow is gone, along comes some self loathing for dessert. Yes, I’ll have a fatty delight slice of that.

So what I have to tell myself, no matter how unPC and not nice and kind of mean it is… is the truth. [Read more →]

I don’t feel like making this post. I mean really, I don’t I’m tired– exhausted, even. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I blame my change in eating… I can usually count on something carby and fat laden stuffed into my gullet until I pass out. Then I sleep like the dead and awake, groggy and out of sorts when the alarm goes off. Now, I’m pretty much empty when I go to sleep and I wake up all perky and crap– a 4 am. 4 am is NOT the business.

Anyway, I have to make this post, because I need to be doing things. To stay busy, because like the glamorous socialite that I’m sure you imagine me to be, I am doing laundry. Yep, shoving clothes into a machine so that they can be washed, transferring them to another machine so they can be dried. And then putting them into a basket where they will likely sit until I am ready to wear them and never be put into drawers or hung up. I mean, I’m all about honesty, here.

WHY, must I do laundry, right now at this very minute, and not put it off until the weekend, like normal people? Well… it’s because I’ve put it off all week, first of all, and second of all– I need to pack. [Read more →]

It’s been an emotional week at Chez Jones. Not really drama filled, but lots of introspection and trying to figure out what makes me tick. What do other people see, when they see me? What do others think about me? Am I a good friend? Am I a good person? Do people feel like they can count on me?

And if the answer is no, do I care enough to change? [Read more →]

So, all week I have been watching my sugars, white flour and starches, and have been doing a great job. Drinking a lot of water and in general making great strides. Every morning I go down to the Cafe and have a good hot, protein filled breakfast. I used to never eat breakfast, but I find  a good one sets the day off right for me so even if I don’t have time to eat at home, I stop somewhere and get something for fuel– yesterday was one of those days. I would normally also get a bottle of Fuze Slenderize Lowcarb juice drinks, so I can avoid the caffeine of coffee. Been going great all week long, and have been happy with my routine.

Yesterday I got two bottles and drank one with breakfast and saved the other for after lunch. I opened the bottle, drank about half of it down, and thought, wow, this is really good. It doesn’t taste lowcarb. And then it dawned on me… there is no way that a Banana Colada is lowcarb.  Oh NO.  Checked the label…25 grams of carbs. TWENTY THREE GRAMS OF SUGAR.

I thought I was going to pass out. I was SO UPSET with myself, because once I have sugar, even after not having it for a few days, I will go on a sugar craving rampage and I will be able to justify whatever I eat and then cry the next day. The bottle was nearly empty so I finished it (can’t waste stuff!) and then had a bottle of water and determined within myself to just stay on the train. The real test would come later on. [Read more →]

Mmmhmmm. It’s one of those posts.

Every time I think about this post, as in the goals I want to accomplish in writing it, what I want to lay out, I keep thinking of Anna Nicole Smith’s TrimSpa Commercial- “Do you like my bodyyyy???” Not because I want to try TrimSpa, but one of the things I think about when it comes to my body is ‘do I like it?”

My answer? It’s alright.

Like a large portion of the population of the US, I am overweight. And not just overweight– fat. Obese. Really heavy. I  have been, for a very long time. I almost don’t remember what it was like to be thin. I was in my 20′s and I wasn’t even all that thin. I remember being 150 lbs and thinking I was fat. And then at 190, being devastated. 190 would be a Godsend right now.

I’ve fluctuated, up and down, the same 30 lbs for years. I’ve tried lowfat– I don’t lose a lb, I’m grouchy and hungry. It doesn’t work for me. What does work is moderating my carb intake and my fats, keeping my eating relatively simple. But sometimes……..I just want a Snickers bar. Or a pizza. Or a burger. And when I let myself have it, I go down hill. FAST. Weight that I have sweated off and lost through a dedicated diet comes piling back on. And it brings friends. Lots of them.

So I find myself at this juncture of life where I am [Read more →]