Curvy Jones on: Friends in (High and) Low Places

Happy Hump Day Blog people!  I’m a little sad, today. Just a little.

One of my bestest friends here in Atlanta is leaving. :( She and her husband are new parents, and as such, life has really changed for them. Certain things move up the list of importance and ‘adult’ matters like life insurance and safety seats and settling down. Their family lives in South Florida, and that’s where they’re moving back to. I’m really happy that they’ll be back among family and such. Sad that they’re leaving me. Pooo.

This makes me feel all… magenta. I’m trying hard not to feel like everyone around me is getting married and having kids and growing up and leaving.  Here I am on the cusp of my late 30′s doing not a whole lot of anything. And not even trying to. I’ve been lecturing myself lately on things I want that I am not going after. I don’t know how I expect things to come to me if I don’t beckon them and how I expect things to fall into my lap if I don’t take my lap somewhere. My same old excuses pop up:  I want to lose some weight first. I don’t have any money. I’m tired/busy/shy.

Bleh.

Thing is… I don’t really want to have any children. I don’t even want a pet. Let’s face it, I can’t remember to feed myself, let alone an animal. I am too selfish for children. I can’t commit to a plant right now. I don’t want to move away. I am probably about as settled as I am going to get, at the moment. I have the bills of a fully grown adult– Sallie Mae, Wells Fargo Auto Loans, rent, utilities, cell phone. I live alone, on my own. In my own zip code (my dad says you’re not grown until you have your own place in a zip code that is not the same as his–because when I turned 18 I declared myself an adult and he corrected me, harshly) I pay all my bills every month on my own, without outside assistance. I make donations and have fun plans with friends and read books and write things and travel when I can.

Why is it that I feel like I am not a grownup, doing grownup things? Because I am not married with a mortgage? Because there is no we, just a me? There is no us? There is no ‘our’?

I hate my mind, sometimes. It’s such a dangerous place to be.

I can always tell when Girly Time is imminent. I get all emotional about things I usually don’t think about. And I spend an immense amount of time looking at other people’s lives and measuring mine against them.

Curvy Jones is a northerner playing a southerner who is living, working, playing in metro Atlanta.

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Tags:  2010 · Friends · growing up