Curvy Jones on: Social Media & Dredging Up the Past
Lefou, I’m afraid I’ve been thinking. A dangerous pasttime, I know.
I’m one of those people that likes new, shiny things. New? I want it. I don’t even know what Google Wave is but I wanted an account with one and now I have it and I have not one clue what I am supposed to do with. But I have it and I love it. Whatever it is.
When Twitter and Facebook popped up, I decided I wanted to be one of the cool kids and jumped all on the bandwagon. Then jumped off. Then jumped back on and I’m pretty much hanging on, for now. Twitter is pretty darn fun– I don’t use it to proselytize or to sell or to spam or to preach or wax political. Basically, twitter exists for me to have real time chat with the silly people in my life I call my friends. And some celebrities. I figure, if you don’t want to be talked to, lock your account so I can’t talk to you, or get off of twitter. *shrugs* Sometimes I can’t control my mouth, and I “talk “to whoever is around to “listen”. It’s also allowed me to meet some great people and chat about things I’d never find people to talk with me about in real life. It’s a big giant check mark in the WIN column for me.
Facebook, for me, is an entirely different animal. A lot of people use Facebook to network and collect friends. Or play games. I keep a tight group of people on my Facebook list o’ friends. I don’t add everyone I’ve ever known. I don’t add anyone I work with. I don’t add anyone who might feel the need to ask my parents ‘what’s up with your daughter’s Facebook statuses?’ because frankly my parents can just barely check email. They have no idea what Facebook is. I like to keep it that way. My mom went through a brief obsession with Instant Messaging. I curse the person who taught her how to use IM.
So, no my Facebook is not a hodgepodge of people I barely know and don’t talk to. Most of the people there are old friends from back home in Spokane. Some are in LA. Some are in Florida, and Colorado and New York and Seattle. And some are in Atlanta. Mostly people I wouldn’t even have a connection with anymore, had it not been for Facebook.
Something weird is happening, with Facebook, though. People are starting to come out of the woodwork. People I haven’t talked to in years, for reasons we both know. About issues we’re both aware of– wanting to rekindle friendships and relationships and uhm……… I’m not into it.
It’s not that I’m not a forgiving person. There’s nothing to forgive. At some point in my life, though I developed an attitude where I put the past behind me, because the past was toxic. It clung to me like sewer waste. It was dark and depressing and I hated the old me and her life and the people she chose to be around. It wasn’t anyone particular or specific, it was… a time and a place. I had to get away from it and start over and create a whole new ‘me’. And for the most part, the new me is awesome and I like her and her new positive not toxic time and place and influences.
I believe I have discovered the downside to Social Media. The people you want to hide from, the people you don’t want to find you, the friendships you don’t want to rekindle, the noses you don’t want in your business creep back into your life, nearly imperceptibly. One by one. Little by little. Until one day you wake up and you’re surrounded by something that looks and smells familiar. And you can’t remember how it got there.
It’s a terrible feeling. Even more terrible, when you’re the only one in control of what happens, and you’re the one that’s been happily approving and smiling and laughing and approving and being joyful and changed and approving and approving and approving and then you stop and slap yourself and say WHOA. What are YOUUUUUUUU doing??????
You know what all of this reminds me, though? About how I haven’t let go of the past. I haven’t put it behind me, and healed and become a new person. I’m the same old me, who put some stuff out of sight (because for me, out of sight, out of mind. And even if you’re in sight, I’m probably not paying attention unless I want to). I still feel the same amount of heavy heart and pain and misunderstanding and dejectedness that I felt before I let people go. That was the REASON I let them go. Why in the stuff did I let them back in?
I’m reminding myself of something I preach all the time– I control my own life and its course. Yeah yeah destiny and fate and stuff, but who I keep around me is in my complete control. I can’t complain about things I’m not willing to change, right?
Well. I want my right to complain. The choice becomes do I a) try to mend broken fences? Fences I don’t want mended, in particular, but just do it, cause I should? or b) put it out of sight again and move on.
*SIGH*
Call me a coward but ‘B’ sounds like a great option. I just don’t have the energy… or really the will or desire for ‘A’, right now. There are people I just don’t want back in my life, right now. Maybe not ever.
Is that bad? Is it evil to not want to mend things? To want to just walk away and leave the past in the past? Or is that evidence of some baggage I don’t want to deal with and should?
I don’t honestly know. I wish I did. For now, I’m just leaving things where they sit.
Filed in: Friends · Personal · Self Renovation| Renewal
Life is too short to be ruled by “should.” If you don’t want them in your life ignore the friend request. A friend of mine responds to friend request from people he doesn’t like with, “We didn’t get along in high school. I doubt we’d get along now.” LOL
Hit the shiny “Ignore Request” button and move on.
However, sometimes it takes more energy NOT to mend things than to just forgive.
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